I break bones and laugh.

Wow, this week has been insane. Sunday was Salome and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. It started with an attempt to take out the garbage at my office that should have taken five minutes tops and fifteen minutes later, culminated with beer on my shirt and garbage juice on my foot. Upon returning inside, I realized that it was the foot with the toxic wound--a couple of weeks ago, I woke up at the time I'm usually leaving for class. I stumbled groggily into the bathroom as quickly as I could...and promptly stepped on the plug for my iPod speakers. My reaction? "Eh."

[I have a long history of sustaining brutal foot injuries that I barely notice as other people are cringing. I once stepped on my boyfriend's razor and trailed blood around the floor for ten minutes before I noticed--and it wasn't until I was perched on the bathroom counter watching him clean the cut that I even blinked. Maybe I was bitten by a Goliath Bird Eating Spider and don't remember it. Oh and by the way, if you don't read Cracked, I recommend it. I was thinking of it as the magazine, like a Mad-alike, but the website is great. They combine funny and interesting trivia, which I love, with lists, which I love. Win/win! My only wish was that they'd do something about the comments, so they weren't just scores of spam posts and it looks like they're trying now. But really, it's a worthwhile read. And it's given start_0ver and I the wonderful, all-purpose excuse, "There's a spider near the door." Oh and by the way #2, like many of the commenters, I obviously disagree with their choosing Andrew Jackson. Assbad, maybe. I'll be going to see Some Band tomorrow and missing history, which is a good thing, because we're discussing Jackson. I don't care for him. I always say that I don't hate anyone and I don't hate him but I don't care for him. I don't care for him a lot. And the horse he rode in on. Whoa, this is a big bracket. Let's move on.]

So after that garbage indignity, I fell asleep at my mom's house and woke to an awesome combination charley horse/leg asleep sensation. If you are in the market for a new kind of pain, you should check it out. My leg is still weak. Oh but the best was yet to come: I had to get some cat fud and stuff so I went to the place where they sell walls. Apparently I missed two things in my cart when I was checking out. When I stopped to drop off the cart, I saw them and assumed they'd slid out of a bag, especially since one was on its side. The greeter swooped over and yanked the receipt from my hand, kicking off a ten-minute ordeal in which I was repeatedly asked if I "still wanted" the items I thought I'd bought, heard not one "please" or "thank you" and was generally treated like I was Carlos the effin' Jackal. So that was really sweet. In the store's defense, I filled out a web comment late Monday night and the local store called me yesterday to ask about the incident and apologize.

(I guess it could be worse--I could be like that guy in Ohio who was arrested after he forgot about some Coke* on the bottom rack of his cart. Yeah, he's a master criminal. The $160 worth of groceries he bought was just a ruse for the ultimate prize, the $4 case of Coke.)

And that was basically it for this week so far, minus running around like a maniac trying to get things done so I can go out of town for one measly weekend to see the cutest boys in the world. I made an 87 on that history exam and I guess my instructor doesn't dislike me, because we wrote "Great work" on my essay answers. Multiple choice, not so much. But I wasn't the only one. And I hope he does like me, because he'll be seeing me next semester!

My grandmother's health condition is going to kill me. It's like, "She's doing much better!" Next day: "Her kidneys are failing." Next day: "She looks great!" Next day: "It doesn't look good." I may or may not have tried to strike a bargain with the universe and ooh--my bad, Heston. But I think I'm doing better with that. Now if only the rest of my family would stay safe--my uncle broke his neck yesterday falling off a dropoff in his yard (they live on a very steep hill). The doctors say that they don't think it's a paralyzing break but come on! I gotta get a haircut today. I hope she doesn't accidentally slip and shave me bald.

I could feel sorry for myself, I guess. But I have a house to live in and I go to a good school and I have amazing friends, some of whom I get to see this week. And I know they wouldn't beat me and videotape it just for myspace fodder, so I got that going for me. (Oh and for anyone finding that story hard to believe, I refer you to Cecilia in Virgin Suicides: "Obviously Dr., you've never been a 13-year-old girl.")

*Not soda. Not pop.

Things that happen only to me: So, I comment occasionally on a blog. I use a particular username there, as well as a corresponding AIM ID, different than I usually use. Saturday afternoon, I was studying online and doing some chatting when I got an IM to that ID. I had no idea who the person was and the first message was kind of unusual, so I really didn't know what to expect. The person was asking me questions related to my username and I answered them and then that went on to questions about other stuff. And then...I talked to this girl for TWO HOURS. At first, I admit I was kind of weirded out but the fact that I will talk to anyone won out and we just kept talking about all sorts of stuff. She told me about the God particle and I told her about the horror movie trope, the Final Girl. It was such a great conversation--talking to someone that I didn't know and who didn't know me was actually very freeing. Cathartic, actually. I may never talk to her again but we had that moment and it was very positive. Only connect.

Which was very helpful, because last night shorty got low, low, low, low. No particular reason, I guess--just nature and lack of sleep and school-related stress. But it was bad, doldrums stuff. I haven't been that down in a long time. All the terrible news stories (Jajuan Holmes, Lauren Burk, Eve Carson, David Motari...) were working on me and I was feeling apocalyptic. Then, I don't know what happened. The fever, as it were, broke. I picked up a newspaper and read that my former denomination, the Southern Baptist Convention, did a 180 on their position on global warming.

Scientific facts aside, I've long believed as Richard Cizik, the policy director for the National Association of Evangelicals, states, "to harm this world by environmental degradation is an offense against God." The fact that Focus on the Family's James Dobson and a few others have tried to muzzle Cizik, doesn't surprise me but I find it dumb all the same. The signers of the new statement aren't talking some radical changes--just true stewardship. How can you claim to care about the culture of life if you have no regard for the very planet that it belongs to? It just doesn't make sense...unless you consider that Dobson, et al, really focus on their agendas--their anti-choice, anti-gay, anti-sex ed agendas. And on that note, I'm really proud of the SBC on this. If they ever change their feelings about choice and about homosexuality, I'd be very pleased to resubmit my letter.*

And then I just took a break and effing relaxed. Zoned out with sf_drama, my favorite lj community, uploaded a video for a friend to his Facebook community, and hung out with my best dudes forever--my cat, my fish and the dogs. It's a better day. Last night, I became near unhinged when someone told me that it would be but hey, it is and I'm not too proud to admit it.

In other news, somehow I missed that last year, Christian Louboutin and David Lynch joined forces to rock my universe [NSFW]. I don't even know how to process it yet. To quote the most humble man in music, Mr. Kanye West, "I spent a whole 5 minutes looking at this, which is like 5 hours for a normal person!" Speaking of the wisdom of Kanye, I pretty much want to marry this phone. That is just loverly. I'm having a hard time not phrasing my descriptions in the manner of extreme advertising, the currently popular meme (you may have seen the Obama "ad" going around, in which case you know that his font got serifs). We had a lot of fun with that yesterday in sf_drama [Not safe if you're offended by cursing every other word]. And speaking of things that make me laugh, Asher Sarlin's webcomic Elephantitis of the Mind hasn't been updated since November, but it was all new to me and I read through the whole thing in practically one sitting. (I'm a champion sitter.) I am also topnotch at napping. I am going to nap the hell out of this early evening, right after I geek out (or, continue to geek out) and get my Kingdom of Loathing on.

*I don't know if they use this terminology in other denominations, but when you leave one Southern Baptist church and officially join a new one, they call that moving your letter. I left the denomination, so I withdrew my letter.