I break bones and laugh.

• I would like to thank the United States Postal Service for their help in fancifying the package I sent to zooby yesterday and in particular, the wicked glee with which they helped.



• No thanks, though, to eBay who removed an auction after I'd both won and paid for it. Their response to my complaint was basically, "Best of luck!" Normally I wouldn't be so bothered by it except for always, but it was for Storyville, the love of my perfume life. I'm not sure why the auction was removed--I can't look at it anymore--but I'm going to guess it was because the seller did not explicitly state she was not affiliated with BPAL. Luckily, the seller (persephone1976) is not a scammer (and I received my package today), but I like how eBay's response was essentially, "Try finishing the transaction outside eBay," which their rules actually warn against.



• "Is he on, like, Gossip Girl or something?" —President Obama reacting to the boisterous applause mysteriously awarded to one questioner at a town hall in Los Angeles today (via nymag.com)
  
  Glee. Pure joy. And in case you couldn't guess, I'm also overjoyed by the new vegetable garden at the White House.



• Going Galt is still hilarious.

Where the Wild Things Are trailer:



Now I'm going to go HALT (catch up on my Tivo queue, read NY Mag and Jezebel, eat a salad).

Aw, poor Justice Roberts: "It's your big day. You have one simple job; read from a card, LISTEN, and await the reply. Oh, and the whole World is watching. Still, you're a big-shot Chief Justice, right? You can handle it, right? You've watched the tapes, right? You've practised at home, right? So, Chief Justice Roberts, why did you make such a pigs ear of it!!? Historic moment, or historic nightmare?"

For the record, I think it was likely a spasm of nervousness. I don't think it was intentional at all. Yes, this is the first time a President has been sworn in by a justice he opposed. But the theories about Roberts's doing it as revenge for the fact that then-Senator Obama opposed him are laughable at best. They can be cool.

Also hilarious are the tinhats wondering if Mr. Obama is really the President. O hai I have these amendments--let's look!

Amendment XX, section 1: The terms of the President and the Vice President shall end at noon on the 20th day of January...and the terms of their successors shall then begin.

Alright, so that aside, here we are. The morning after. Here's a picture of my soul:



To quote the song I posted on election night, you know it feels good to be alive.

And on a related note, I was watching some of the evening's entertainment and I gotta say, I wholeheartedly agree with Diablo Cody re: one Mr. West:

“I think it's cool that Kanye West gets so excitable on his blog. I love the Louis Vuitton Don, and if he's up his own ass, I wanna be up there with him.”

I unabashedly, kneejerk-defensively love the shit out of him. My sister mocks me for the amount of his music I've got on my iPod. When he says something ridiculous, I chuckle and think, "Oh, 'Ye--you blowhard!" It was very cool to see how happy he was tonight--I'm sure being a Chicago boy added an extra layer of joy to the proceedings. But one last thing.



Yeezy, what the fuck is the matter with your head? You cannot just time travel us back to 1989--I won't allow it! [I will not even mention the fit of your trousers.]

Now I gotta go write for The Boob about how BT-beloved Aziz Ansari and The Best Show Of All Time should be meeting--Aziz has already crossed over with Salomé-beloved 'Ye--aaand watch a preview of Kings (YES FINALLY).

I got no troubles (except for Yeezy's headal region), life is the bubbles. Oh and then on top of everything, I found out that Franklin Sherman, aka Jon Lovitz cartoon The Critic's dad, aka one of my favorite characters ever, was voiced by Gerrit! Now I'm thinking of that night in NYC when monooka almost killed him! [Youtube, why does a search for Franklin Sherman bring up "The Declaration of Independence by Thomas Jefferson"? Oh, you know me too well.]

Links that have made me laugh recently:

Two Straight Boys Explore the Intricacies of Grind Dancing Together: "This is soooo appropriate right now."

And now... every "Extreme horror" story ever written: Begin to scream.

I love Josh Brolin: "Josh Brahlin," he drawled when he took the podium at the National Board of Review awards ceremony, mimicking host Whoopi Goldberg's mispronunciation of his name. "That's how fucking famous I am... I just whispered in her ear, I said, 'What the fuck is the matter with you?' And she goes, 'I don't know. I'm high.'"

Fuck Yeah Ryan Gosling: I think I'm giving you the biggest hug ever.

Fuck You Penguin: I know I've posted this site before, but the funny has dramatically increased in the wake of FUP losing a Weblog Award. A personal favorite at the moment. Relevant to my interests: baby pandas.

7 Badass Animals Presidents Have Kept As Pets: The Brent Spiner lookalike was able to acquire a couple of grizzly bear cubs which he promptly sent to President Jefferson as either a gift or an assassination attempt.

Speaking of the love of my historical life, I've been reading my Christmas presents and I learned something interesting already. I knew that after the British burned down the Library of Congress, Jefferson sold his entire personal library to the federal government below cost to start the restocking (almost 6500 books). What I didn't know is that he was so offended by the destruction that he suggested hiring goons to burn down a few British buildings in retaliation. Wait, did I say "a few"? "Our present enemy will have the sea to herself, while we shall be equally predominant at land, and shall strip her of all her possessions on this continent. She may burn New York, indeed, by her ships and congreve rockets, in which case we must burn the city of London by hired incendiaries, of which her starving manufacturers will furnish abundance." Whoa. He let his rage go, though, out of loyalty to James Madison. And this has been Salomé is a giant history nerd.

Other links I have enjoyed:

HRC on the subject of female empowerment: "If half the world's population remains vulnerable to economic, political, legal and social marginalization, our hope of advancing democracy and prosperity is in serious jeopardy. The United States must be an unequivocal and unwavering voice in support of women's rights in every country, on every continent." I had to smoke a cigarette after watching that.

Speaking of politics, Mr. Stewart has been on point lately. "You didn't need to--you sold ours." Hang on, I need another cigarette. Anyway, like I told Tanis, I really want some lemon cookies right now it feels very Frost/Nixon: "I'd like to give Richard Nixon the trial he never had." Oh, if only. However, I was reminded earlier that we are now in the last 100 hours of GWB, so praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. By the way, don't miss the collection of Jon's impressions of Bush.

PEBO had dinner with George Will, Charles Krauthammer, Bill Kristol AND David Brooks?! Oh, good Lord.

ETA: Chocolate in my peanut butter, pandas in my politics: DC Pandas Celebrate Inauguration With Early Orgy.

Yesterday I ran some errands and my first was a stop at Fred's to pick up a new can opener, since I ruined the old one in a tragic Spam musubi incident. A man was walking in as I was walking out and so he held the door for me. I thanked him and then he said, among other things, "Any time." I know that's just conversation fluff, but it made me smile to think about this guy following me around everywhere just opening doors for me. Umbrella/drink holders are so first half of the aughts.

Later at the grocery store, I was behind a woman and her young son. The boy asked for some candy, but his mom told him that he already had some of whatever it was at home and plus, it would spoil his dinner. As I was putting my stuff on the belt, I noticed a flavor of Ice Cubes gum I hadn't seen (strawberry smoothie), so I got a box of that. Then, that kid tried to sell me out! "Her got candy," he indignantly told his mother. Hmmph!

It took me a while to get out of the house because I was so exhausted from house-cleaning and rearranging Saturday. We brought my grandmother home so we had to move her into her new room and get everything else straightened up, since we now have a million people coming in and out of the house all day. (Approximately 99.9% ask me, "Hurr durr, did I wake you up?" Nah, I always stumble to the door with one eye open, hair looking like I'm the lost member of Kajagoogoo.]

It's great that she's home now, though. She's back to having her own room again. She had a roommate at the nursing home and she was okay, but I know from dorm rooms and stuff that it's nice to have your own space, control the remote, talk about what you want, etc. My mother and her brother were visiting once and she told him about the time that we heard a godawful racket coming from the woods and then the next day, my mom made me go look around to see what I could find. I found a dead bobcat, but it'd obviously had been dead longer than a night. At that point, the roommate chimed in with a "Ugh, can you shut up? My stomach is upset." My mom was like, "Oh, I'm sorry, [roommate's name]--I should've remembered that." *beat* My uncle: "SO, HOW LONG YOU THINK IT'D BEEN DEAD? WERE THERE MAGGOTS ON IT?"

I've been lazying in between studying for finals, mostly by watching Supernatural from the beginning. I also watched the trailer for this Norwegian movie about Nazi zombies that's playing at Sundance. I think the zombies look great and exponentially creepier than regular zombies--speaking of Supernatural, I was like Dean in the "Yellow Fever" episode when I watched the trailer. That was scary!

LOL, what is going on here? Lost rules, zooby! You just don't know because you don't watch it. Oh, you've seen every season? Oh...well, you're still wrong. Ron Paul '08!

Today is the vote in sf_drama for Macro of the Year and I'm having trouble picking. I think I may go with Metallicat, though. Speaking of all things chan, I found this embarrassing moment gripping and emotionally moving.

Other things I've been finding funny reading are Something Awful's Comedy Goldmine and the works of Simon Rich. A commenter at nymag.com said that he looks like Ramona Quimby, which is both hilarious and disturbing. Like that squid with elbows film that was released last month. As documented, I love cephalopods, but watching that video, I had this reaction: "Squid with elbows? Oh, cool--I love squids! So let's just pan down and see how faOH GOD IN HEAVEN WHAT IS THAT." The horror. The horror.

Probably not SFW.



Remember, pseudocidals--it's down the thread not across the forum.

I don't feel so good, you guys. I-I don't know if I can go on typing...:'( P.S.: Have a great day, Tanis! :P