wolfpangs | Get yourself a lawyer and a gun...

Okay, y'all. So earlier I was reading a news story about some guy who's suing the webmaster of Don't Date Him because he's butthurt about his profile on there. Never having heard of the site, of course I went immediately to it and ran a search for Alabama to see if I knew anyone. After about ten pages, I thought, 'I'm not going to see anyone I know.' Then I saw my cousin's name. I clicked on the profile and there was no description of his misdeeds.

I was curious if he knew about it and also curious if he had a myspace. I ran the search and there he was. I clicked on the profile.

At first it was the background that struck me. It was familiar. I scanned the about me section. "Blah blah best girlfriend..." This sounds like something I've heard recently. "Blah blah pitbull named Duke..." "Blah blah girlfriend [girlfriend's name]..."

THIS IS THE GUY MY COWORKER BROKE UP WITH!!!

I recognized the profile because we'd been talking at work about how he hadn't changed his myspace profile to reflect their breakup and OMG, I can't believe it's my cousin. I never looked at the profile that closely--Mean Receptionist showed it to me and read the relevant parts.

Other coworker had mentioned him before obviously but if she mentioned his last name, I didn't put it together. He has a different last name than me and his surname is very common. Plus it's not like I hang out with him.

Y'all. I am so hyped up over this. I cannot wait to go to work tomorrow! I was thinking about things like when they broke up and she was sad about not seeing Duke anymore and I was like, "Where does he live? I will go over there and get that dog!!!" Yeah, I'd just be like, "Hi, Aunt [Godmother]--I'll just be leaving with the dog now..."

I don't know if my coworker will be at work tomorrow but I hope so. I don't know how I'm going to tell her. "[Coworker], you know what my dad's name is? James Michael*. Yanno who was named after him? His nephew, Michael James." Mean Receptionist won't be at work so I'ma have to leave her a myspace message to check this because you cannot be left out of this, whore!

Oh, this is almost as good as that time I found a police report online for my other cousin when he was trafficking ecstasy! My sister and I just keep looking so good in comparison! Not that we're like fuckups but you know wot I'm sayin'?

Ooh, can't sleep want to gossip.

*Not Daddy's name.