I break bones and laugh.

Oh, that's cool:

• The new Google phone: I was looking around at new smartphones and my iphone dreams died when I got a look at AT&T's coverage map. Nothing at Verizon really did it for me, so I headed over to my current carrier, Tmo and saw the link for the G1. I'll let you guess at what moment I was sold. I will do some more wait and see with reviews until I actually give them money, though.



• What's the only thing that would make sweet tea better? Oh, child.



• Drunk history (that's vol. 1). Funny and still more coherent than my assbad world history class.



• Excavation at the WTC site reveals Ice Age bedrock. They're a page right out of history...



• I made cup pies finally (they were becoming my culinary Satchel Paige musical) and they were everything I dreamed they could be.

Ugh, that is not cool:

• My assbad world history class.



• The Emmys. (See also: watching the Emmys, having to write about the Emmys, the Emmys cutting off Kirk Ellis in mid-acceptance speech, the hosts for the Emmys, and my personal nadir, the fact that--light of my life, fire of my loins--Stephen Dillane was ROBBED!!!1!.)



• “I have a commitment not to kiss any other woman,” Kirk Cameron told Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford Monday on TODAY in New York. "Even in acting, you're still doing it." To get around the conflict, the filmmakers employed a bit of movie magic, Cameron explained. They dressed his wife, actress Chelsea Noble, like the movie’s female lead and shot the scene in silhouette.



• I still have staples in my leg. :(

Because I know what's important, I've spent most of my time not nailing down a place to stay in NYC (my current situation is unsatisfying, to be brief) but trying to figure out where I can get a decent glass (or Mason jar, as the case may be) of sweet tea. As the ill-fated dude in Witchboard says, "Priorities, man!" Also, I don't want a repeat of the "Starbucks incident" from last summer.

Me: I want a cup of hot black tea and a cup of ice.
Barista person: You want iced tea? We can make iced tea.
Me: I want it hot so I can make sweet tea.
Barista person: We have sweet tea.
Me: *eyes narrow* Is it real sweet tea?
Barista person: I don't know, ma'am!

I made it but it was subpar because the tea was all wrong. I want sweet tea! It is of vital importance. Luckily, I am not the only one who believes so.

Idk, something about being away from the south makes me crave the food. I guess it's yr typical don't-know-what-you-got-till-it's-gone situation. I find myself perusing the websites of NYC bbq joints and getting freaked out because some of them don't serve a barbecue plate what is up with that omg. Some of them don't even have okra! How am I supposed to eat my (figurative) barbecue plate without my okra side? I will not, that's how.

I have recently reunited with my old friend Ben and by reunited, I mean, we've started mercilessly teasing each other about everything. Like so:

Me: And there was this really drunk girl there--
Ben: Was it you?

Anyway, Ben is now mocking me because he thinks I'm going to roll into town like the second verse of a certain song from Hair:

"(and if you ask him to dinner you're going to feed him:)

Watermelon
Hominy grits
An' shortnin' bread
Alligator ribs
Some pig tails
Some black eyed peas
Some chitlins*
Some collard greens..."

Whatever! Whatever! I do what I want!

*Most lyric pages I found actually say that this word is "chili" but I almost certainly believe it to be chitlins. Since when is chili traditionally associated with southern food? Since never, I says. Ye olde Wikipedia backs me up on this. (Feel free to ask me about any of those foods.)