I break bones and laugh.

I love Jack McCoy.

( Gun poll )

Feel free to explain/discuss your answers.

I've made a decision. I'm going to move to San Francisco when I'm finished with school. I'm going to move in for the winter and make a garden in May, where I will grow fairy lantern and star tulips and love-lies-bleeding. I'm going to learn to play the banjo. I'm going to go running and do yoga with the Chief and I'm not going to laugh when he goes on about how rock-hard his abs are. I think I laughed enough, already.

I'm going to go visit the Limey. I'll try out his sofa bed. We'll drink excessive wine and I'll make him Gravenstein apple pies.

I will learn to surf.

I will shop. I will buy: a new Dior bag, a new cell phone, more Creme Bouquet, too much lipbalm.

But that's all a few months away. In March I'm going to go to Seattle avec le musos and visit the Agent Provocateur at the Ranch ver. 2.0 (Now with more Ranch action!) We'll make a movie. I will write my lines before we start filming. After we wrap, I'll escape to the safety of the little space beside C.

I will wear chiffon and silk and sequins and velvet. I will paint my toenails to look like pomegranate seeds. I will drink too many Dr. Pepper and rums and eat way too many Chupa Chups. I will kiss so much that I will always need Smith's Rosebud Salve. I will always need it anyway.

I will see more shows. I only saw 14 this year--I should see more.

I will go to Europe. I will ride the bus and spend the days off walking down cobbled streets and listening to conversations in languages I don't know yet. I will spend the days on as I always do--at home, hiding out in the safety of the little space beside C. As the night dissolves, as we trade inside jokes and laughter, I will take nothing for granted. I'm so grateful for all of them and for all of the wonderful people I know, period.

You're all a part of me.

I will trust in the universe. I will be okay. I'll be more than okay.

Happy holidays from the heart of Dixie. God bless us, everyone.

Oh, my gosh. I did a meme! It's that 2003 thingy.

( My year was all rock stars, glitter, and massage. You know, the usual. )

"The belief is sometimes the biggest part of it all. You can choose to believe in your published book being held in the loving hands of strangers, your name tattooed forever on the heart of the one you adore; you can choose to believe in tiny red-haired pesky piskies--all the things 'they' may tell you not to believe in. But who are they anyway? What do they know? What makes them any more real?"

I was going to do that mayfly project thing but my year was way too big for 20 words. Then, I was going to do this self-invented meme wherein I summed up my year in song lyrics but I gave up on that before May Day. So. Why not? Cryptonomicon, part the second! This one's kinda different from the last one. I'm not just sticking to lj people on this one. However, everyone on here who is not on lj has been mentioned in this journal. It's evenly divided between lj and non. And in honor of the holidays, it's all sweet and stuff.

1) I'm so glad I got to talk to you last night. Going like, a week without really talking because we were both so busy was awful. Let's never do that again. You constantly amaze me with how generous, kind, and loving you are to me. I'm eternally happy that we met. The shows wouldn't be as fun if I didn't have you. I lovelovelove you. What--no vase?

2) The last night of the tour, someone we both know asked me what I was doing after the show. I said, "Keeping an eye on this guy [you]." He asked me who was keeping an eye on me and of course, the only answer was "this guy." I've felt totally at ease with you since the first night we met. You're a wonderful person and I'm amazed that you've been able to maintain your grace in spite of your extraordinary life. Will I come to another show? You bet.

3) I could be like everyone else and say, Oh, your entries are so funny. You're so clever. I'm LOL. And you know what? I will. I always enjoy what you write but beyond the funny, you're also an incredibly caring person. You're always there to try to cheer up people or just be their cheerleader and that's great. I luff you.

4) On my list of moms I know who I hope to be like when I'm a mom, you're near the top. You're a hero mom. From what you've told us, you're raising one badass daughter. I can't wait to see what she does later in life--I have a feeling it's going to be something amazing. And I know that she didn't just spring forth from the earth fully formed--who she is now and what she'll become later is a direct reflection of how amazing you are.

5) We've had a weird relationship right from the beginning, as I'm sure you know. However, on this last trip, it seemed like we've finally figured it out. I don't know if you're going to read this--I don't know if the Limey gave you the address or not--but if you do, I just wanted you to know what you meant to me. I've had some of the best conversations with you. You're whipsmart, funny, and always interesting. Whether we're discussing malted chocolate balls, classic country music, or where we actually met, I'm usually laughing. Thanks, squeaky wheel.

6) The first night we met, I curled up on a couch with you like a kitten. Then, we got trapped in that dark room in Atlanta. Ever since then, it seems like we spend an awful lot of time on overstuffed sofas or in dark corners together and you know what? It's pretty cool. Whether sending me emails that make me dance in my chair or appearing in my dreams, you're always happy-making. I think I can give you the whole night.

7) If I had this year to live over, would I allow you to break my leash again? Most definitely. It still makes me laugh that before we met I thought you were probably mean. Like I told you last month, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that you're the sweetest man in the world. You crack me up. I love you, you're way talented, and I'm proud to call you a friend. I will always give you pep talks.

8) Whee! I'm so glad we got to meet and indulge in two of my favorite things--getting lost in a big city and getting catty. I had a great time sitting in my Lilliputian hotel room and talking to you. Like I said back then when I reported it in my journal, you're funny and sweet and I luff you. Whether you're winning really pointy prestigious awards or really bobbly ones, you're awesome. Bottom line.

9) You've been one of my favorite voices since the Hissyfit days. I always enjoy your entries, particularly your photos. I loved the one of you on your birthday. That's my favorite one of you, I think. I'm glad that things have seemed to settle down in your life. I think things will only continue to get better. I wish you lots of luck. Give that cat a squeeze from me, okay?

10) Stop worrying about everything. No, stop it. You've got to have faith that the universe unfolds as it should. It does. It will. You're going to be fine. Have faith in the universe and have faith in yourself. Once you do, having good luck becomes like falling downhill. I love you. I believe in you. You'll do well.

Ooh, special bonus one:

11) Stop lifting whole incidents from my journal and posting them on messageboards as things that happened to you, kthx.

I have always liked former Senator Alan Simpson (R-WY), especially after his cameo in Dave. Now after reading his response to Crazy Fred Phelps, I like him even more.

CFP attacked Mr. Simpson for being the honorary chair of the Republican Unity Coalition, which bills itself as a "policy forum for gay and straight Republicans." Of course, we all know that if there's one thing CFP hates, it's those darn gays.

As Mr. Simpson is always one to say exactly what he thinks, he wrote Crazy Fred Phelps this response:

"I just wanted to alert you to the fact that some dizzy ass is sending out mailings and e-mails from the Westboro Baptist Church -- and using your name! I'm certain that you would not want this to continue or some less-alert citizen might think that you, yourself had done it. We know that is surely not the case, because you are a God-fearing Christian person filled to the brim with forbearance, tolerance and love--and this other goofy homophobe nut must be someone totally opposite."

Ahaha.

...I'm sending you this photograph,
I swear this one is going to last
And all those other bastards were only practice

I feel the sun on my back
I smell the earth in my skin
I see the sky above me like a full recovery

Ahaha, you're the greatest (yes) EVER.

I unlocked the phone post I made while in Memphis because hey, why not? I also transcribed it because there's a bit of background bar noise and I don't know how many people can actually listen to them.

Now that Thanksgiving is almost over, it's the green light for holiday celebrations...not that that's stopped me, as I've already started working on my Christmas mix. It's a mixture of the sacred ("O Holy Night") and the profane ("It's Hard to Be a Jew on Christmas").

So, I will join the herd in saying that if you would like a holiday card, please feel free to email me with your address. If you prefer a non-Christmas or special kind of card, feel free to tell me that, too.

Now, I'm going to work on my Christmas list (the new Dior Glamour bags? yes, please) and miss my best friend. I hope you all had a decent, if not great, holiday.

--Dear CSI,

As you know, I really enjoy the show. I especially wanted to thank you for tonight's episode. It was a very helpful resource in that "Some People Like to Dress Up Like Animals and Hump Each Other" discussion I've been meaning to have with my grandmother. The ladies at the beauty shop will be way impressed with her knowledge of furries, especially when she uses terms like "yiffing."

Thanks ever so much,

Salome

--Dear body,

What the hell is wrong with you? One moment, you're like, "I sure am sneezy today. Must be sinuses" and the sinuses are all "Hey, don't put that shit on us" and now you're like, "Total system failure--everyone must evacuate!" What is the deal, pickle? You better start responding to the specially made cough syrup I have to take or else we get dextromethorphan and you know what that does. In short, I feel like crap. Why have you forsaken me?

Bleh,

The Captain

--Dear jalapeno poppers,

Why can't I stop eating you?

Wondering (and hungry),

S.

--Dear fast food staff,

Okay, let me get this straight. The new girl didn't know that five jalapeno poppers came in a regular order so she only dropped four. So, you guys are compensating me with a chicken finger since those are already done. Okay...so why did I get a chicken finger and five poppers?

Still confused,

Girl in the silver car

--Dear Limey,

Thanks for emailing me. That was really unexpected and happy-making. Have a good time tomorrow night.

Yours,

Cherry Pop

--Dear Strokes,

I love Room On Fire.

Thanks,

Salome

--Dear telemarketer,

I know you were calling for a worthy cause and it is one that I support. However, when I am sick and trying to sleep in before work, take no for an answer. No, really.

Still a Yellow Dog Dem in a family of Republicans,

S.

--Dear friends list,

Happy Halloween! I hope you all have a good holiday and get lots of candy. Have a great weekend!

Love,

Salome