Red Right Hand

--Dear CSI,

As you know, I really enjoy the show. I especially wanted to thank you for tonight's episode. It was a very helpful resource in that "Some People Like to Dress Up Like Animals and Hump Each Other" discussion I've been meaning to have with my grandmother. The ladies at the beauty shop will be way impressed with her knowledge of furries, especially when she uses terms like "yiffing."

Thanks ever so much,

Salome

--Dear body,

What the hell is wrong with you? One moment, you're like, "I sure am sneezy today. Must be sinuses" and the sinuses are all "Hey, don't put that shit on us" and now you're like, "Total system failure--everyone must evacuate!" What is the deal, pickle? You better start responding to the specially made cough syrup I have to take or else we get dextromethorphan and you know what that does. In short, I feel like crap. Why have you forsaken me?

Bleh,

The Captain

--Dear jalapeno poppers,

Why can't I stop eating you?

Wondering (and hungry),

S.

--Dear fast food staff,

Okay, let me get this straight. The new girl didn't know that five jalapeno poppers came in a regular order so she only dropped four. So, you guys are compensating me with a chicken finger since those are already done. Okay...so why did I get a chicken finger and five poppers?

Still confused,

Girl in the silver car

--Dear Limey,

Thanks for emailing me. That was really unexpected and happy-making. Have a good time tomorrow night.

Yours,

Cherry Pop

--Dear Strokes,

I love Room On Fire.

Thanks,

Salome

--Dear telemarketer,

I know you were calling for a worthy cause and it is one that I support. However, when I am sick and trying to sleep in before work, take no for an answer. No, really.

Still a Yellow Dog Dem in a family of Republicans,

S.

--Dear friends list,

Happy Halloween! I hope you all have a good holiday and get lots of candy. Have a great weekend!

Love,

Salome