I break bones and laugh.

An outtake from my trip: Since the last time I was there, they've opened a 24-hour Duane Reade in the lower level of the building. Since I love 24-hour stores with the fervor of any nocturnal creature, this was the fuckin' best. Also, having one so close was useful for things like, if your e-mail from Monthly Info said "See you in two days!" and then turned into "Hey, I got an early flight!" that afternoon. One night before dinner, I stopped there to get something to eat on the way to the restaurant. [If you have not been informed that I eat like a hobbit, consider this your notice.] I got their brownie bites and what a delight they were.

As I tottered off toward Blue Ribbon, I passed a guy who looked exactly like this, baseball cap and all. It could have been him for all I know. In any case, I feel qualified to tell you that he was checking me out. And I was like, "Mmmrprmsmmmf...these brownies are amazing!" So, sorry, Keanu, if that were you. Rain check on sad sandwiches together?

Now I'm reading Mark Reads: The Hunger Games and I had to giggle at "Flesh-eaters??? Oh man, if these are like…zombies or irradiated mutants or something worse, I will DEEPLY LOVE THIS BOOK FOR A LONG TIME." Zombies or irradiated mutants in THG? Not quite (no spoilo), but it does remind me that I read The Forest of Hands and Teeth while I was in New York. It's a lot like The Village if shit had gotten really real and the monsters in the woods were real monsters. I will continue to read the series, although I have to admit that I didn't love it. The ending just kind of putters out and I kept getting Tegan and Sara's "Ocean" stuck in my head because Mary wouldn't stop yammering on about it. Stop crying to the ocean, stop crying over zombies...

Speaking of crying, my own regarding my schoolwork, particularly the research paper on Operation Paperclip, has lessened SOMEWHAT. By a microscopic bit. But really, I've almost converted my thoughts to "I have 2-3 [depending on the class] weeks to complete these papers--better start writing!" from a constant refrain of "OH GOD I ONLY HAVE 2-3 WEEKS LEFT THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN" right until the night before.

And now here's the part where I say that I'm going to go nap (because I should, because I'm sickly with allergische Rhinitis* or just the regular kind and I tried napping earlier this evening but I just had feverish dreams where Jake Gyllenhaal was my athletic, competitive brother whom I was trying to warn about an impending zombie attack), but really I'm going to watch The Daily Show [jk, they're on vacation] and meditate on the achingly lovely lankiness of a certain gentleman and listen to My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (you can stop making albums this year, everyone else) and try to locate my Christmas cards.

*Because so much of the material that I'm studying is in German and I'm studying German, my thoughts tend to lapse into it, even when I don't intend it. Also, today I got annoyed because a guy next to me in class kept reading over my shoulder while I was making notes for my research paper so I wrote them all in German. There's probably a word in German for that. [Studieprivatsphäre?]

The 3 dumbest things I read concerning American school childrens this week:

1) Rather than allow a lesbian student to attend with her girlfriend, the local school board in Fulton, MS, votes to cancel Itawamba Agricultural High School's senior prom for everyone.
2) A middle school student who was handed Adderall and handed it back was suspended because having it in her hand constitutes possession.
3) "The board approves the amendment, taking Thomas Jefferson OUT of the world history standards." I...just...how...this...aaarage stroke.

Going for the EGOT in civic duty:

1) I did my part on Tuesday, voting in the special election on whether or not to legalize the sale of alcohol in this city only. By a margin of 28 votes, the measure is denied. The city stays dry.
2) Via buccal swab, I donated samples to the marrow registry. As I was doing so, I laughed about my family's commitment to medical science--I was, after all, giving this sample in the same building where I have anthropology (and Psychology and Law). I was complaining about the tables in that building when my sister said, "You know that's where PawPaw is, right?" I did not know that. See, my paternal grandfather died last fall and that's when we found out that he'd donated his body to UAB. And now he's in Campbell Hall, where I am twice a week.

[By the way, speaking of my family and our association with medical science--people can have all sorts of opinions. Isn't that great? A world full of people with opinions. It's nice. And you can express those opinions whenever you want. But see, here's the thing. If you are a Gonstead chiropractor who's anti-vaccination, please don't use my family's name in association with expressing this viewpoint. The Gonst(e)ad family is strongly pro-vax and we want no part of your monkeyshines.]

Also, Tuesday, I developed a raging toothache. After realizing that I'd downed 6 OTC pain relievers in the first coupla hours I'd been at work, I called my mother and begged her to break the glass on my emergency Vicodin stash, which she did. I was supposed to have a filling last week, but the appointment was canceled the day of. So, I went to the dentist Thursday afternoon, following a long day of school. This visit, like the last visit, I saw the other guy who works there, the newer guy, not the practice owner whom I'm used to.

He asked me if anything aggravated the tooth pain and I said only cold drinks and foods. He asked if anything relieved the pain and I said painkillers. I wasn't sure what else I could say. The same night my mom brought the Vicodin, she also brought some eugenol. That worked somewhat, but really it only masked the pain around the tooth and oh yeah, it tasted like fellating a zombie. I'm not sure if this was some sort of tell that triggered the addiction interrogation procedure, but that's what it felt like I got, which, look. I've been going to this practice for a few years now. I've gotten a sum total of two prescriptions for Vicodin issued before Thursday, each for ten pills each. Each prescription was issued at least a year ago. If I were feenin' for Vicodin, one would think I'd be working a little harder to get it.

Dr.: Do you have any allergies?
Me: Not really.
Dr.: "Not really"?
Me: Nothing that would affect anything here.

I am allergic to liquid All detergent and I have a strong sensitivity to dextromethorphan. As long as we're not doing laundry and/or robotripping, it's cool.

Dr.: Do you take any medication?
Me: No.
Dr.: When's the last time you visited a doctor?

I am going to assume he meant more of a general doctor, not specialists, and doesn't want to hear about my visit last week to talk about my upcoming "lid eval" for my Forest Whitaker eye. Anyway, the last time I saw someone for something other than a specific body part was that time I ripped my artery open and they stapled me back together.

Dr.: So no medication?
Me: I take a multivitamin. And biotin. Sometimes I take extra vitamin C and iron.
Dr.: No birth control?

Is "birth control" code for any of those things I just said? Then, no.

Dr.: Are you pregnant or is there a chance you could be pregnant?
Me: Oh, child. Bless your heart.

It was so irritating. They knew there was an outstanding problem--I'd had the filling scheduled, after all, and he'd noticed himself that there were issues with the teeth that were hurting. I'm sorry that they couldn't pinpoint for themselves what exactly was causing the problem, but gah. At one point, he asked if a root canal would be something I'd want to look into and I was like, "Just give me a root canal. Just do it. I don't care." And I don't. Root canals don't scare me. I am more haunted by the fact that I can't eat the delicious frozen mango in my freezer right now.

Finally, I got my Vicodin and I have my mango so I've got that going for me, which is nice. Also, I'm not sure if you know this, but Christoph Waltz won an Oscar.* Below: The photo metaphor of my deepest wish.



PS: I see what you did there, Colbert.

*This has been my favorite thing to say to everyone this week.

Although I was initially slightly miffed (I was totally sour) about my school being the only one in the region--nay, the state*--which was not canceled on Snow Day/BCS Championship Game Day, I must admit that it was kind of nice not having that much traffic on the way to school. Also, I really like driving in the snow. Walking in it, not so much. In fact, it was when I was getting teabagged by snow flakes on my way to anthropology class that I wondered if I could, in fact, melt the snow by the heat of my pure rage.

Speaking of, you know how to make a class of students already irritated that they're in class while no one else is even madder? Have the first website you bring up on the overhead be "10 Reasons Why Texas Will Beat Alabama." (PS: Some chicken, some neck.)

About a week before school started, I'd been eager to return, actually getting bored with winter break. What was I thinking? There was Christmas and I got some pretty cool things, including the floral print Doc Martens I wanted from my mom and Hunter boots from my dad (I live in t-shirts and boots, yes). The Docs have helped a lot with the ongoing snow. In fact, they probably would have helped the dude I saw break his leg as I was arriving at the bookstore on Friday. He stepped off the curb and that was it.

Tomorrow I will go back to school and here is a pointless complaint: I hate the tables in my anthro class. They're not regular tables with regular chairs--the chairs are connected to the table, two at a time, and they swivel and dip and rotate on their axes like a non-mechanized Scrambler. Theoretically, I think, a person with normal length legs would sit there normally, all la dee dah, look at me--I have human size legs. Smaller people, like myself, instead have to cling to the table like a wood tick, because every time I let go, I feel not unlike I'm going to be flung against the wall. I just want to go back to my building (the home of the history dept), where the tables are normal. And all my other classes are in the same room (save forensic science, which is online).

Upside, the guy who sits in front of me kind of looks like Ezra Koenig**. He wore a trenchcoat to class on Thursday. And a sweater over a buttondown. He has a Vineyard Vines sticker on his laptop. He is so preppy that I almost can't take it.

Tonight, I went to Hobby Lobby, to pick up some supplies for a terrible cross-stitch project I'm working on. It shares a wall with a gym and I guess Monday's an aerobics night, because the whole time I was in that corner of the store, I'd hear periodic yelps of encouragement. Shopping was very exciting. WOOOOOOOO, EMBROIDERING WITH A HOOP!

[Sidenote: Perfume people, they're selling these boxes that are ostensibly for tea storage, but would be perfect for 5ml bottles--lids with glass insets, built in dividers.]

*Possibly not true
**I call him space student. PS: "I Think Ur A Contra" rulez!

Wednesday, I woke up feeling unwell and by Thursday morning, I could barely stay upright. I missed a day of class, but luckily, I had the whole weekend after that to recover. I was a bit worried that it'd be something more serious, but it seems to be nothing more than a cold or lycanthropy. This is the first time in a long time that I've been sick and been able actually to do all the things you're supposed to do, like rest and get plenty of fluids and feed it. It's awesome! It kind of sucks because I can't go out and do anything--don't need to spread my sickness--but I want to do all kinds of things because I'm so well-rested.

Instead, I'm having to confine myself to indoor sports, like movies and homework. Registration for spring semester will open next month, so I wanted to go ahead and plan out my schedule, especially since I didn't get to this semester and wound having to pick the bones. My tentative schedule for spring:

Religion and Crime
Early Republic, 1789-1828
American Film and Violent Society
Intro to Forensic Science

I am very excited about all of them. I haven't been able to find out much about Religion and Crime, beyond the books we're reading, but it sounded interesting. I wanted to take Early Republic since I first saw it in the catalog ("This course covers the history of the United States in its first four decades, a period designated the “early republic” by historians.")

And I was like, :D but then I went snooping on my professor (doesn't matter how great the class is if your professor is like, "Derp, what's a history?") and found that "[h]is current research focuses on early American nationalism and conceptions of national identity, with a particular emphasis on the thought of Thomas Jefferson."



AWESOME. Of course, I should start reading now because according to the last available syllabus, there are six required books, along with various other articles and whatnots. [Strap in, we're about to go super-nerd.] Of course, it kind of annoys me having to buy The Essential Federalist and Anti-Federalist Papers. I already own the Federalist Papers I use them as an aphrodisiac, but I guess I get to own them again.



In movie news, I watched Trick 'r Treat last night/today and I really liked it. It's very 80s style and hearkens back to the classic horror anthologies. I read that some people think it's overhyped and that it shouldn't be compared to the classics, but some of those classics are not-so-great in my opinion and you know, sacred cows make the tastiest hamburger.

*I cannot even begin to understand the trailer for Boondock Saints: Live Free or Huh? Hard.



Isn't Billy Connolly Scottish? Aren't the Saints Oirish? Clifton Collins, Jr., what are you doing in this movie? What, Peter Fonda? Two second Judd Nelson cameo?

*Scanners head explosion*

By the way, he's not in this one (I don't think), but he was in the first one so it's relevant--we used to call our landscaping crew the Willem Dafoes, because they all looked like Willem Dafoe in Platoon.

*My Tumblr is really amusing me right now, because out of all of my online haunts, it is mayhap the clearest picture of my psyche: history junk, Batman, lusting over German actors, dirty rap music, ultraviolence, perfume, pandas, Clint Eastwood westerns...oh, and your mom.

*Dammit. I thought of something a little ago that I needed to travel back in time (and kill Hitler and) for, but I can't remember what it was.

But hey, speaking of Hitler, remember when he and Lenin used to go over to that Jewish family's house and just be cold-chillin', playing chess? Hitler's art teacher captured the magic:



By the way, the inset photo is of the chessboard they supposedly used--it's not like I'm saying, "This is what a chessboard looks like, dumplings." And I watched The Liberation of Auschwitz ("Shot by the Soviet cameraman attached to the 1st Ukrainian front, this documentation, used by as prosecution evidence at the Nuremburg War Crime Trials...") earlier, so I'm really all out of the ha ha's on this subject.

And of course, I'm stuffing all this distraction into my brain to take a braincation away from thinking about the ongoing anniversary of Katrina and its aftermath.

*So anyway, my school makes us all purchase Dining Dollars, even if we're commuter students. On the one hand, this is so annoying because I'm not a babe far from home, unable to feed myself. On the other hand, if Starbucks brings back the Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate, which they will if they know what's good for them, having my dining debit card will rule. See, there's a Starbucks in the library at school because stimulation.

*This comment me LOL so hard.

*Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to start focusing on my friends page. And myself. And Daniel Brühl. And August Diehl. And other fine Germanic menfolk.

+ Stop objectifying me, NPR!

+ I will be going to UAB this fall. Or really, starting next month.

+ I am going to see live Rifftrax next month.

+ I found out something this week that is probably more appropriate for a locked entry, so I'll deal with that shortlyish.

Be back later--I have to hike the Appalachian trail now.

The other day, one of my instructors asked us where the first (WWII-era) concentration camp was. [Man, do I know how to open a post on a high note or what?] No one answered, so he gave us a hint by saying it was near Munich. Like it was Pavlovian, I immediately said, "Dachau." I didn't even know that I knew that. Then I realized how I knew that:



Mr. Schmidt, recently arrived in a small Bavarian village which lies eight miles northwest of Munich...

And unfortunately, I realized that right as I was taking a sip of Dr. Wham--yes, it's a real thing--and almost asphyxiated because of course I would get my random history trivia from the glass teat.

We've been talking about WWII a lot the last week and we probably will be talking about it a lot this week, so I look forward to the opportunity to frighten people with my knowledge of terrible stuff (see also: talking about serial killers in psych classes). It's all the same curiosity, though--I just keep hoping that at some point, it'll all click and I'll understand how people become monsters. And yeah, I had to laugh when I realized where I'd first learned to draw a link between Nazis and other monsters (see the part from about :18 to :58).

For those of you who can't see youtube:

Scary German Guy: *shows kids his reflection to show that he couldn't be a monster*
His name is Horace!: Man, you sure know a lot about monsters.
Scary German Guy: Now that you mention it, I suppose I do. *closes door as camera focuses on his forearm*

And they say popculture rots your brains. On that note, The Different Kinds of People That There Are. I particularly enjoyed People Who Don't Watch TV: "Are we really still having this conversation? Television is a part of the cultural landscape at this point—a lot of it is good. A lot of it is bad, some of which is also good. You know, LIKE ALL THINGS MADE BY HUMANS?" I'm sayin'.

And for those of you who have no idea what that movie is, see here for the glory you've been missing. Now get out there and rock until you drop! Dance until your heart stops! Rock until you drop! Dance until your feet fall off!

(Seriously--you haven't seen it? Really? Man. "Look, what your brother is so delicately attempting to inquire is the degree to which you may have or have not, at some point in time... been dorked." That. You missed that.)

When I went to school today, I was very confused by all the extra people on campus. I didn't even think about my school housing evacuees, but it is and it took the apparently unusual step of remaining open while sheltering. We have around 900 at Wallace College, where I live, and they canceled their classes for the beginning of the week. At my school, there are about 300-400 people staying in our gym. It's very odd. The bookstore (on the other side of the building as the gym) is locked and you have to show a student ID to get in. A classmate even got patted down. They have police tape around the perimeter of the building...



...and "interacting" with the evacuees is discouraged.

Uh, that kinda freaks me out. In between my math class and history, I went to my car to get some change for a drink. Because I was running late, I'd had to park way over in the farthest row, which is the row in front of the gym. My path from my car to history took me through a swarm of children who were running around and playing with members of the girls' softball team. Blue Bell was there, delivering ice cream to the evacuees.



NB: I took this from the pathway next to my history building. I didn't want to be that guy photographing children and I didn't want to rush up on them like they were on a midway, hence my vantage point.