wolfpangs ([personal profile] wolfpangs) wrote2006-04-24 07:23 pm
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Showgirls. Absolutely frightening.

I was reading [livejournal.com profile] sarahofthedead's review of Hostel and I was inspired to list horror movies I have not liked. I like so many, including the bad* ones--especially the bad ones--that I thought it'd be a neat challenge. Credit must also go to [livejournal.com profile] ohthajimpanity, who stoked my love for horror movies by introducing me to tons I'd never heard of.

(*NB: When I say "bad," that usually means said movie is low-budget, features terrible "acting," etc. That kind of thing doesn't stop me from enjoying a movie, just as a fat budget and Oscar winners don't stop me from hating a movie.)

MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS!!!

1. Wolf Creek: Oh, like you didn't see that coming. Hateful, repulsive, and the biggest insult of all--boring. Also--Dear Greg McLean, you can make a movie about misogyny without the pretense of a horror movie wrapped around it.

2. Last House on the Left: Suffers from similar problems as Wolf Creek but luckily, Wes Craven went on to make movies I enjoy. The kidnap scenes just come across as something I was never meant to see and watching it left me with an icky, dirty feeling.

3. Jeepers Creepers: Before I saw Wolf Creek, this was the standard for horror movies I hatedhatedhated. It started out okay, if fairly standard and the characters even acknowledged their own stupidity in doing some of the cliche horror movie things, which was nice. Ex:

Trish: *does something stupid*
[livejournal.com profile] ohthajimpanity: Strike two.
Trish: *realizes how stupid that was*
[livejournal.com profile] ohthajimpanity: I'm sorry--I can't take that strike back.

It had potential to be really great, to set itself apart from the pack. Then there was the end. As I mentioned in LostChat last week, when a packed theater realized that they'd been set up to sit for an hour and a half for a pun, I seriously thought there was going to be an incident.

Then there's the nastiness of director Victor Salva himself. I'm not going to get into the ethical debate, aka the Roman Polanski conundrum but...it's like my grandfather always said: Even a stopped clock is wrong most of the time.

4. Ghost Ship: The opening scene was balls-out AWESOME. Then the rest of the movie happened. Zzzzzzzzz.

5. Halloween (Resurrection): What? Why?

6. High Tension: When I went to see The Sixth Sense, I knew there was a twist before I saw it but I didn't know what it was. [But I *had* seen Jacob's Ladder!] After the scene with Donnie Wahlberg, something clicked in my head and it just occurred to me--Bruce is dead. So at the end, when everyone else in the theater was having their big gaspy surprise moment, I was just bored.

Now replace "Sixth Sense" with "High Tension" and the "he's dead" twist with another tiresome dupe. I won't tell you what it is but it's only a notch below "It was all a dream." And that was that.

7. Day of the Animals: [livejournal.com profile] ohthajimpanity let me pick the movie at the video store. I picked the one where Leslie Nielsen takes off his shirt, slaps a woman and wrestles a bear. And it was still boring!

8. Pumpkinhead: Not scary and too boring to be entertaining in a bad way. And all the baddie's name does is inspire me to say, "Oh, who's my widdle Pumpkinhead?" to amuse myself.

9. The Ring, part the second: WATERWATERWATERWATERWATERWATERWATERWATERWATERWATER i feel like there's some symbolism in here WATERWATERWATERWATERWATERWATERWATERWATERWATERWATER why bother writing a script? WATERWATERWATERWATERWATERWATERWATER or even bothering to iron out the logical gaps? WATERWATERWATERWATERWATERdeerdeerdeerWATERWATERWATERWATERWATERWATER

10. Hide and Seek/Godsend: Or, The Incredibly Frightening Tale of Robert DeNiro and the Easy Paycheck. Not traditional horror movies, not traditional good movies.

Now I'm going to make a list of bad horror movies I have liked and work on [livejournal.com profile] ladycakes's meme.

[identity profile] ladycakes.livejournal.com 2006-04-25 01:00 am (UTC)(link)
High Tension made me want to throw my teevee out the window. So fucking awful.

[identity profile] rockgeisha.livejournal.com 2006-04-25 01:18 am (UTC)(link)
Agreed! And I forgot to mention, when I wasn't thinking about the Sixth Sense, I was wondering, "Didn't I read this in Dean Koontz's Intensity?"

[identity profile] griffin-mill.livejournal.com 2006-04-25 01:01 am (UTC)(link)
I am obsessed with terrible, zero-budget horror movies. I mostly buy them from a blanket at the corner of 43rd and 10th, and the occasional flea market.

Top 5:

1. Criminally Insane
2. Nail Gun Massacre
3. The Pit
4. Bog
5. Sorority House Massacre II

[identity profile] rockgeisha.livejournal.com 2006-04-25 01:16 am (UTC)(link)
Aw, we should set up that woman from Criminally Insane with that misunderstood boy from Slaughterhouse.

And I love sorority massacres! Er, in the movies.

[identity profile] griffin-mill.livejournal.com 2006-04-25 03:58 am (UTC)(link)
Ha! OTP!

That particular one is the best of the sorority genre because it stars a highly touted "Playmate of the Year" who is completely ghastly-looking (even by early-'90s standards) and, due to completely inept editing, uses flashback footage from the unrelated Slumber Party Massacre series. And (SPOILER!!!!) the conclusion involves demonic possession in unflattering lingerier(/SPOILER!!!!)

[identity profile] rockgeisha.livejournal.com 2006-04-25 05:16 am (UTC)(link)
I thought I'd seen that one but I guess I was mistaken. I'll have to add it to my list--I love completely inept editing!!!!

[identity profile] ilipodscrill.livejournal.com 2006-04-25 01:37 am (UTC)(link)
ok, the other shoe dropping in Hide & Seek pissed me off almost as much as Identity(please make a good movie, John Cusack. preferably with yr sis in it).

as far as zero-budget horror i love, Don't Look in the Basement, early to mid '70's. set in a mental hospital, shares a limerick with Willy Wonka & the Chocolate factory...

[identity profile] rockgeisha.livejournal.com 2006-04-25 05:21 am (UTC)(link)
That's funny--I toyed with putting Identity on this list. It stayed off because the night I saw it, I was walking to my car and I thought about the "whores don't get a second chance" part and it gave me the creeps.

I need to see that one. I thought I had but I got it confused with another movie about not going in the basement. I can't remember the name of it but it was about weird creatures living in the basement of a house.

[identity profile] ilipodscrill.livejournal.com 2006-04-25 12:08 pm (UTC)(link)
yeah, there's definitely more than one DLitB. i'ma go imdb the title now.

[identity profile] kaytethinks.livejournal.com 2006-04-25 02:37 am (UTC)(link)
BEATINGU!!!!

Jeepers Creepers is the only one of those movies I've seen... fortunately.

[identity profile] rockgeisha.livejournal.com 2006-04-25 05:25 am (UTC)(link)
I'm embarrassed to admit how much time I spent in the theater trying to figure out that license plate.

[identity profile] moveslikegiallo.livejournal.com 2006-04-25 06:53 am (UTC)(link)
I love the opening to Ghost Ship. It's fucking amazing. The rest, though, is pointless. :)

As predicted, I agree with this list. I've not seen a couple of the movies, but the ones I have, yup, agreed.

[identity profile] moveslikegiallo.livejournal.com 2006-04-25 06:54 am (UTC)(link)
Also -- that title's from Scream 2, yes?

[identity profile] moveslikegiallo.livejournal.com 2006-04-25 02:20 pm (UTC)(link)
I love, love, love Scream and Scream 2. Scream 3 shouldn't be allowed to exist.

[identity profile] rockgeisha.livejournal.com 2006-04-25 12:30 pm (UTC)(link)
It's so funny how fast it goes from "Whoa!" to "No."