Dane Cook is not happy with the poster for his upcoming movie.

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Okay. I understand that it's hot as a crotch outside and there's little water, but seriously. Seriously guys.

natalie dee
This has been the worst week ever and the whole world has been against me, I swear to God.

Sunday: Flat tire.
Monday: Two trips to the tire store. That other news I shared with you guys regarding NYC.
Tuesday: North Korea tries to slow my roll. Kim Jong-Il is totally the Justin Timberlake of world leaders.
Wednesday: Hairstylist is closed.
Thursday: Hairstylist is out sick, find out I'll probably have to drive to Moody (1 hour, 13 minutes away) to pick up my special rate card for my PA hotel (old boss, who has to give me the card, has been building a property there and has been staying there with his family since the property is nearing completion).
Today: Drove to Moody, found out the rate card was at my old work, toured the new property anyway. Hairstylist was still out sick, fulfilled my resolution to get a haircut or die trying. I thought she cut my fringe a little short but I calmed down about it once I drove home.

Finally tonight I just gave up. The week just won. Once I let go, I started feeling very zen about things. So when my dinner exploded in the microwave, my response was, "Well, of course it did." So, now I'm feeling much better. Not physically--it may be TMI so let's just say that I'm under the thrall of very painful...hmm, what's a good euphemism? Tummycrushers. But I am happy about this and all the rest of the pleasant accompaniments happening before I leave because as my grandfather always said, if you're going to strangle someone, strangle someone you love and not a federal airport security officer. But overall, I'm finally feeling like myself again. Which is to say, spunky and defiant (of course) but also generally optimistic.

Things that make me happy:

*My frosty glass: It's not that complicated--it's just one of those mugs with the liquid inside that freezes. But it has Dale Earnhardt, Jr on it, whom I unironically love (see icon), and it is my main delivery system for icy-cold sweet tea, which is enjoyable all year but especially in weather so ridiculous that my ForecastFox just gives up and displays an exploding thermometer.
*Gabe and Tycho from Penny Arcade: Especially because in a repeat of last year, they went to a elementary school class and helped them make cartoons, which they are now displaying. I think this one is particularly brilliant. I'm doin It.
*[livejournal.com profile] jess_d_ripper: For not only her latest incident of awesomeness but also because she's always brilliant and hilarious and totally my e-crush.
*Weapons of girlification: Maple syrup-scented shower gel. Smell like a waffle? Yes, please.
*Waffles: I love 'em.
*Saucy text messages: Especially from impeccable gentlemen like the Limey.
*I get to take a shower tomorrow!: The shower has been out of commission due to repairs so I've had to take baths. While I love soaking in baths for relaxation, they are doubleplus ungood for actually getting and feeling clean. But the shower is in, the door is in, and I will take a shower! Putting my toiletries in the shower tonight was way more exciting than it should have been.
*My trip: [livejournal.com profile] monooka! [livejournal.com profile] princessdidi! The Man! Those other boys! Planes and trains and automobiles! Hotel beds! Meeting strangers in bars! Meeting celebrities in bars! Reading Teen Vogue on the plane! Shoveling Polish food down my gaping maw! Naughtiness! Gigglefests! Inside jokes, neanderthals! Dirty water hot dogs! The new memories we'll create! All this and more!

And if Someone did not get the gift I suggested...aargh.
*Good music: I made a NYC Summer playlist, which makes me very happy. It has the usual suspects like Sinatra and the Beastie Boys, but some other stuff that just evokes warm weather New York to me, like Some Girls-era Stones. But of course, I love music all the time and I'm quite sad that Freya will be leaving for the iPod hospital after we get back from New York. It's enought to make a girl say "Mercy, Mercy Me." If I weren't so friggin' zen right now.
--While Odin, my new phone, is totally badass, I have to return him. I get little to no service around my house or even this county. Boo-urns.

--However, I did find a phone from my old carrier with the same capabilities as my current phone (camera, minibrowser, keyboard) and some new ones (mp3 player! Navigator!) so that makes me feel better. Odin 1 is cuter, though.

--It amused me to read online that "[Dental] gaps ain't sexy!" Should I share this with those misguided souls who are attracted to me and/or take me to awful horror movies?

--Just got back from the movie theater. Saw See No Evil. Eli was right--Gregory Dark should have stuck to porn. I wish I'd seen White Bunbusters instead. Or even the DaVinci Load.

--It's all quiet on the homefront: My grandmother is spending the weekend at my aunt and uncle's, my sister is out with her boyfriend, and my mother is at the new store. I'm not scared.

No, really.

--Annoyance at the theater: Big signs on the front of the ticket counters notifying that "ATM/debit cards" are accepted. Hahaha, not so fast. Once you get to the register, there is a small card announcing that they don't take cards that are branded by Interlink*. So then you get to leave the line, lose your place, go to the ATM and get back in line.

Guess who has an Interlink-branded debit card?

But it's not just me. Visa announced in a press release: Visa has also seen an increase in the number of financial institutions issuing Interlink, resulting in more than 70 million Interlink-branded debit cards in the marketplace.

*Why don't they take Interlink cards? Interlink won't allow them to charge an additional .99 fee for using a debit card. And no, they can't run it like a credit card.

--My mom is bringing home Freedomland tonight!!! I can't wait.

--Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt? Really?

Okay.

--I have to go over to my mother's house now to borrow some sugar. I hope I make it back alive.

--Yay, my sister just drove in!
I do not like my state of mind;
I'm bitter, querulous, unkind.
I hate my legs, I hate my hands,
I do not yearn for lovelier lands.
I dread the dawn's recurrent light;
I hate to go to bed at night.
I snoot at simple, earnest folk.
I cannot take the gentlest joke.
I find no peace in paint or type.
My world is but a lot of tripe.
I'm disillusioned, empty-breasted.
For what I think, I'd be arrested.
I am not sick, I am not well.
My quondam dreams are shot to hell.
My soul is crushed, my spirit sore;
I do not like me any more.
I cavil, quarrel, grumble, grouse.
I ponder on the narrow house.
I shudder at the thought of men....
I'm due to fall in love again.

dorothy parker

Fatkins

Jan. 24th, 2004 11:11 pm
If I unwrap a heart-shaped box of chocolates and it has "Low Carb" imprinted on the front, you are so not my Valentine.

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