*The other day at work, I spent about a good 30 seconds trying to decide if I could get away with saying, "There's [a slang term for male genitals] everywhere" (it was in relation to the conversation we were having, shut up). I finally decided that since I'd already talked about that one guy who tried to trick me into looking at his, the polite thing to do would be to refrain. So I still said it. I just substituted "wang" instead.

*My festival of Euro movies continues. It's starting to have an effect on me. The other day, I turned on the TV and was confused because they were speaking in English. It actually took me a second to shake the feeling! And then last night, I dreamed in German.

Oh, wait--I have seen an American movie. Sort of. I started watching the SCIFI* channel's redo of Children of the Corn but I've made it only halfway. The problem is mainly the portrayal of Burt and Vicky, the outlanders who stumble upon Gatlin's secret. Whereas I felt empathy for Gary Shepherd and Sarah Connor in the original movie version, these two? Ugh. I can't get scared because I spend all my time wishing they'd shut the hell up. It's like the part from the Twilight Rifftrax:

"That guy can't get drained of blood fast enough for me."
"You hope a vampire gets him?"
"That's one way."

I just don't understand why Stephen King feels he has to make these terrible TV movie versions of his stories when there are already perfectly cromulent to superior versions out there. Look, I'm happy for you, I'ma let you finish, but Kubrick's The Shining was the best Shining of all time! Of all time!

I also skimmed CotC 4 to make caps. I'm going to go back and probably make more, but here's two of Mark Salling, better known as Glee's Puck.

*I've been trying to do some shopping. I stumbled upon this necklace.

This is a transformative piece. It takes something that was once destructive & violent, now dead and spent, a symbol of fear, and gives it a new meaning by using it to house a crystal which is alive with positive, healing energy and is a source of light and beauty in the world.

Aw, that's nice.

And this one kills werewolves.

Now back to watching Being Human and working out scenes. And relaxing, because it's fall break.

*I will never spell it the new way.

I think I'm going to fit in fine.
1. Did I ever tell you how I got into massage? It is a very heartwarming story. A friend of mine was thinking about going to school for it and I read her brochure and thought, Well, there's an idea. The end. I've never really felt a calling toward any particular field. I mostly want to dance and hang out. I love American history and the idea of teaching it, but the realities of the American educational system are hard to ignore. I'm not saying that I have eschewed the idea entirely, but just that every time I tell people I'm majoring in history, emphasis American, and they say, "Oh, you're going to teach?"--I'm full. No more for me, thanks--I'm full. However, I think I've found the career that combines many of the things I enjoy, such as putting things right that once went wrong (they're not hiring at the Quantum Leap project, unforch) and raging patriotism (I took the inner nationality quiz on Facebook and I'm secretly an American*). And that is, the Bureau.

Me: I'm going to apply to the Bureau.
My mom: What bureau?
Me: The politburo--I'm going into Russian politics in my time machine.

Or not. I think I'm going to apply to be a G-Lady. I say "think" because I still have to finish school and who knows what number of ideas I'll have by then ("This is too hard. Let's quit and be firemen instead"). As I said, the job--I'll be applying to become a Special Agent--appeals to me on a number of levels, like its insistence on "rigorous obedience to the Constitution" and the chance to use my most unique skill set--the fact that because I'm small and giggly, many people underestimate me. They don't realize how juicy my mind grapes are, such as. Osama bin Laden, I'ma get my mind juice on you! (I am considering entering as a language specialist, specifically Arabic. So if anyone asks, don't tell them about that time at Bible camp.)

2. I've watched some movies lately. I watched S. Darko and...hmm. Maybe if there were no predecessor, I would have liked it better, but as there was a Donnie Darko, it's hard to judge S. Darko on its own merits. The fact that DD creator Richard Kelly had nothing to do with the movie is problematic to say the least. Further, as it's impossible to take in the movie without thinking about the first movie's mythology, the more you think about S. Darko, the less sense it makes. And the ending was just nonsense. Upside: I really liked Daveigh Chase's wardrobe! Sidenote: Is it true that her name is pronounced more like "duvet" ("Duh-Vay" as her wiki entry says) and not like Davey? I don't know how to feel about that.

I also watched the Norwegian horror about Nazi zombies, Død snø. [Below: I don't like this vacation anymore.]

Død snø, which focuses on a group of students on holiday at a ski cabin who inadvertently wake up some nasty spirits, was much better. It's funny, scary, and gross (there's a scene involving something utilized as a rope that I'll bet people will be talking about). It was interesting to me how it was obviously influenced by American movies--as seen in the trailer, one character even quotes, in English, Indiana Jones's "Fortune and glory, kid"--but the way the characters react to certain situations is different, I think, from how they'd react in an American movie. One example: When the random old dude shows up to lecture them on how they're spoiled brats who didn't bother to notice that the territory they're in was a Nazi supply stop, one of the characters can't help but get sarcastic about the possibility of waking up the Nazis who were trapped in an avalanche during their occupation. Random old dude grabs the kid and the rest of his friends suddenly become very interested in their shoes. In an American movie, somebody would have called the old dude an asshole, at least.

That's not to say that the characters are pushovers. It's noteworthy that this is a movie about Norwegians facing off with Nazis--La Résistance gets most of the ink, but Norway had a healthy resistance movement as well. In fact, when they first got their "On the occasion of your being occupied" note from the Third Reich, Norway's response was basically, "Fuck your face." [History pedant: *monocle adjustment* Actually, it was "We will not submit voluntarily; the struggle is already under way."] The progeny of the Norwegian resistance puts up a worthy fight as well. The character Vegard is a notable standout at this--watching him go full survivorman is awesome.

As an aside, imdb lists the following as a goof: One of the zombies...is wearing a white (snow) camouflage jacket. The jacket shows plastic parts (or is completely made out of plastic) which can only be found at modern day jackets. Maybe the zombie took it away from a earlier victim but as all the others wear "original" war gear this is supposed to be a WWII Jacket - and is way too modern. I know that logic is pretty rock-solid, but I don't agree that the jacket is a goof. The jacket doesn't just look a little bit modern--it is totally modern. I was wondering why homes was wearing a hazmat suit when he first walked into frame. He obviously stole that from a victim or the movie's wardrobe department thinks we're morons.

2b. I also watched Fox's Glee and loved it.

3. As I mentioned a few days ago, I went to see Man Man and it was awesome. I'm having trouble finding the right way to describe it (mind grapes are dry), but watching them felt inspirational. When Honus Honus climbed up on something (I couldn't see exactly) and pulled on a lady's beaded top midsong, it was a beautiful thing. I felt like I could go anywhere and do anything. I wanted to go home and paint and write and do. I wanted to go create. I've never felt anything like that when seeing a band before. I've got to see them again.

4. And one last time, thanks again to everyone for their condolences regarding my grandmother. I really am doing okay, but thanks to everyone who just had to make sure.

5. Finally, before I go watch Martyrs so I can feel ways about things with Jess, here is a collection of random things I've been looking at:

MTV's new show Fashion Strip--am I the first to make a "They Shoot Horses, Don't They?" joke?

Awkward Family Photos: Oh, man.

It's Lovely! I'll Take It!: Like Cakewrecks, but with real estate listings.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: Few people have the ability to make me laugh like Meg. I tried to read this entry to my mom and sister and couldn't get through it without laughing until I cried.

*“You are highly competitive and highly independent, although you also have an easygoing and spontaneous nature. In order to hide and mitigate just how badly you want to win, you have developed a thick veneer of friendliness — in order to lull your opponents into a false sense of security, yes, but also in order to actually tame your own natural blood lust, and most of the time it even works. Because you are so mobile and ever-changing, your friendships are always in flux, and the people who are your oldest friends may or may not accompany you all the way through life. Probably not.”
wolfpangs: (Weir and Barlow)
Hey, guys! Remember two years ago when I worked at that spa and the owners were always off at their restaurant or their pharmacy, basically leaving the spa to a bunch of giggling girls and we spent most of our time just sitting around laughing at Myspace or whatever but we still made a ton of money? And then all of a sudden, it just mysteriously closed?

So yeah, about that then.
Hi, everyone! It's so nice to be able to talk again regularly. I love my new computer. It's so nice to be able to do things like watch videos or use flash without it just cutting out for no reason. I even made a new header for Boob Tube! And then I replied to an old text message instead of creating a new message and accidentally txted my dad, "Made a new boob tube header," instead of Tanis. Five seconds later, my phone rang: "You did what?"

We cleaned out a room at my house last week and I found a videotape with the VH1 Legends: Grateful Dead episode on it (along with The Thing That Wouldn't Die--I'm a weirdo). I watched the special and there is this hilarious commercial during it for a Dell desktop. It has a staggering, staggering 6.4gb hard drive and it can be yours for the low, low price of $2399. What a steal!

Everything else is going pretty well for me. I am still enjoying school, although I am ready to be dunzo with ENG 101. French is fun, though. The instructor is going to be out on Tuesday so I was like, "Woohoo, sleeping in" but then a classmate told me that everyone's going to come anyway so we can study for midterms. I would bah! at that but I enjoy class so much that I'm probably going to go.

In other news, if you haven't heard, I'm in the very natal stages of starting my own perfume company. It is a little terrifying but also exciting. I finally feel like I've found my calling. Like, I liked massage okay but there was always a part of it that felt like a real drag. With this, I'm definitely more passionate and inspired. It's become a game for me to assign scents to things. I love to do it when I'm listening to music. Like, Kanye West: lime, cream, leather. Anyway, don't expect anything very soon. I have a name for my company and I've created four collections with note assignments but I still have to figure out the formulas, the most important part. But I am so psyched.

In other perfume news, I'm participating in the [livejournal.com profile] bpalanonymous fall swap and that's hard, yo. It seems so easy at first--buy someone presents, yay! But then it was like, "But what do I buy?" and it got really overwhelming. I think I've got a better idea of what I'm going to do but it would be a lot easier if I had someone who knew my person so I could be like, "How's this grab ya?" (Btw, [livejournal.com profile] start_0ver is the authorized agent for info on me.) Wednesday, I went to the mall in Decatur, which was a super depressing place, and picked up a couple of things for my person and okay, a couple of things for me. Like these!

So all in all, things are going really well for me. I am even going to get to travel a bit. I'm planning on NYC at the end of the month and southern Florida next month. Sunday, I'm even going to go hang out with Magnet Boy's brother. (And don't worry, you don't have to caution me, as Tanis did, not to bone him.)

Good times.
No, I won't massage you with my boobs.

Mean Receptionist left me a myspace comment yesterday to let me know that I had two early appointments today. When I got to work this morning, I was a little surprised that they were both men. Because I work in a traditional full-service day spa, most of my clientele are of the lady persuasion.

The first client was new and he was booked for a half-hour Swedish, which went well. Then there was the second client. One of the owners and Mean Receptionist had talked to him the day before and he'd raised their eyebrows. He'd repeatedly asked the same questions and some of his questions (Do we have a jacuzzi?) led them to believe that something was hinky with him. The other owner thought he might be a cop, testing us to make sure that everything was on the level.

Suffice it to say, I was not thrilled when 10:30 rolled around. And then at 10:30, he wasn't there. We started to relax. We had nearly relaxed ourselves into a mean girl lull and then the door opened. And it was him.

Mean Receptionist gave him his client info card to fill out and I wept. His cell phone rang and he picked up, speaking in Arabic. He returned the card to us and I took him back to my room to go over everything. This part is pretty straightforward. I go over the info on the card and ask about any possible contraindications for massage. We talk about what the client is looking to get out of the massage. With him, I just got my skeeve on.

He wanted to know if I did "French massage." I told him that I didn't, as I don't have a clue what it is. I explained to him the kinds of massage I do. I decided to go with Swedish with him.

During the conversation, I asked him where he was from. He told me his mother was Italian. Yeah, okay. [Later he would tell me that his father is from Jerusalem.] I left him alone to undress then I returned to the spa rooms to cry. I went back and began the massage. He soon realized this was not the kind of massage he was looking for. He told me about getting French massages in Amsterdam. Apparently, it involves picking out a girl from a group of about six and said girl "massaging" the client with her naked body.

Me: ...

I finished the massage and it was medium creepy the whole time but he didn't ever say or do anything over the line. He did ask me if I were Muslim, though. Sorry, pal but this little filly *finger guns* ain't on the market.

I was hanging in reception with the Mean one and a client who was getting her body wrap measurements and after a few minutes, it occurred to me that he'd been in my room alone longer than it would have taken for him to dress. I got skurred. He came out, though, and cancelled his aromabath appointment, which was to follow the massage.

The horror, the horror...

Read more... )

So that happened...

The BPAL order I placed in April still hasn't shipped yet and I've become desperate with anticipation. I ordered just one bottle! Please send my glorious Midway!

I totally haven't learned my lesson because I ordered a bottle of the Lunacy Limited Edition on Sunday. I couldn't help it! It sounded so good! Offerings of ginger candy, sugar cane, smoky vanilla and rice wine mingle with a ghost’s perfume of white sandalwood, ho wood, ti, white grapefruit, crystalline musk and aloe.

And I'm now getting into my very excited about traveling mode. I had a nice long conversation with my Limey last night and that was quite lovely. "I've missed hearing your voice," he said and...sigh. I love that Teabag. And I think my trip will be quite the adventure. I'm so excited about seeing everyone.

I wish I had more exciting things to talk about but mostly I've just been working and trying to catch up on housework, which I never seem to do. And I'm a total jackass because I still haven't told [livejournal.com profile] off_key happy birthday, so happy birthday! I hope it was swell.

And now a present from me to all of you--it's Siri Helene Erland doing Coldplay's "Fix You" on Norwegian Idol. Enjoy!
It occurred to me that I hadn't updated in a while. I'm just so busy constantly! And I still have not found an organizer that I like so I carry around my to-do list in my head and on very attractive scraps of paper in my purse.

I do have some free time, which I've been using to gorge on movies, thanks to someone's suggestion to go back to Netflix. I cancelled my account there after I quit the Radisson and I just never started up again but now I'm back and OMG, so good. I filled my queue in two days! And I have seen Ax 'Em (hilariously awful) and then in the giallo genre, House With Laughing Windows and Night Train Murders, both of which I thought were great. Then I saw Survive Style 5+ and it is fucking brilliant. I don't really know how to explain it. It's just madness. I will try to summarize the (five) storylines:

An artist keeps trying and failing to kill his wife, who comes back to life ready to kick his ass; a businessman and his family attend a hypnotist's show and it changes their lives in a way they never expected; a trio of young men break into houses and discover their feelings; Vinnie Jones is a hitman who asks everyone what function they serve in life; an advertising director has goofy commercial ideas but they fall flat with everyone but her (and the movie's audience)

Each story touches the other, in small and big ways, until most of them tie together at the very end in an ending that's both bizarre and completely right. It's visually amazing, drenched in oversaturated colors with fun effects. I just loved it. And I have such a crush on Reika Hasmimoto, seen below mid-kicking her husband's ass:

Besides watching movies, I've also been working on my brochure for work, which I hate because I'm doing it myself and I hate publishing programs and why won't it align right? and yarrgh.

On the other hand, I'm planning my trip for next month and I love that. I have my flight details and it's exactly like I said a while ago--arrive July 10 in Philly (to stay at my usual place, [livejournal.com profile] monooka), take the train to NYC July 12, fly home (or to Atlanta) on the 15th, drive to Eufaula, get drunk with former classmates/get to see who's...let's just say "changed." I'm so excited!

Of course, before that I just need to get my train ticket, buy a new cell phone, call the Limey, go by the social security office, pick up my friends and family rate card from my old hotel, make an appointment with the lady doctor, and finish my brochure. No sweat.

I'm going to have a slawdog today and you can't stop me. P.S.: I almost bought a pair of gaucho pants the other day and I felt no shame. See, when I went to my dad's house, I was getting ready for church and I realized that the pants I intended to wear were still lying on the dryer...four hours away here at Ft. Awesome. So my dad gave me a wad of cash and told me to go buy a pair of pants at Wal-Mart. It was a weird transitional time so they didn't have any proper black dress pants--my only choices were something called "bikini pants" and palazzo pants. I chose the palazzo pants and it's just a slippery slope from them to gauchos. Luckily for...the world, I guess, the gauchos had sold out in my size.

And now, breakfast!



October 2012



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