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I was googling "weeping angels" the other day, as one does, when I stumbled upon this list of scariest TV characters. Now it's all subjective, of course, but I thought it was a pretty good list. But then again, maybe that's because it names the only thing on TV that's ever really scared me--the Peacock family.

[X-Files spoilers follow, although I don't know why I'm spoilering this since it's been a looooong time since it was on TV and this episode's been repeated umpteen times since then. (Salomé, say "since" again.) Although my mom did ask me last week if I "still watch the X-Files."]

The pride. The love... )

That's one of the things I've noticed that always scares me--the notion that there is no place to hide, there is no escape. Nightmare on Elm Street runs on that energy. I slept with the light on while reading American Psycho not because of the variety of grotesque incidents recounted--although that didn't help--but because of this part: ..that if she had gone to Nell's or Indochine or Mars or Au Bar instead of M.K., if she had simply not taken the cab with me to the Upper West Side, that this all would have happened anyway. I would have found her.

Yeah, I don't feel so good now. (Also, I have "Against All Odds" stuck in my head now.) I need a palate cleanser. Oh, I know! I posted this on Tanis's facebook a coupla weeks ago and it's been making me laugh ever since.

It may also be the reason why I tell my Boston every day that he's the most beautiful creature I've met.

My thoughts on last night's Glee, briefly (no real spoilers):

*I'm glad they acknowledged how terrible "Run, Joey, Run" is.
*I loved the Casino reference not in spite of, but because it was so obscure and nerdy. Because I am also obscure and nerdy. First Community, now Glee--Scorcese, I think you might be going somewhere!
*If Brittany is not the best, then that's because Puck is.
*If Brittany is not the best, that's unpossible.
*There's never an excuse for stirrup pants!
Last evening, according to my Twitter feed, a lot of people watched Glenn Beck's disastrous interview with Eric Massa. Judging by the breathless tweets, it was the first time many of us had been to that particular rodeo and we were woefully unprepared for things like how freakin' scary the commercials during Glenn Beck's cower hour are. Most of them are for gold and gold-related businesses, including one that featured Scott Winters (I did not like them apples) and another featuring my old pal. However, a few others stood out, like the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews's ad promoting their program to help feed Holocaust survivors in the former Soviet Union. Oh and this piece of total nutbaggery for something called the "Survival Seed Bank," with which you can grow your "crisis garden." Because I care, I visited the site so you don't have to.

Read more... )

Last week was stupid:

a) Violent Films class turned out to be not so great.

I dropped my violent film class. Perhaps I will take it at a later time, but this semester, having a class from 5:30PM-8PM is just not feasible. Plus, I wasn't that thrilled with the instructor. For one thing, he needs to distinguish between fact and opinion. I saw that same remark on ratemyprofessors, but usually that's just code for "told me I was wrong." In this case, he sets up questions with debateable answers as if they require fact-based answers. Like, "Which film is the pinnacle of betrayal movies?"** I didn't realize we'd had a definitive vote. Also, I didn't really care for his attitude, the way he was dismissive of movies that he clearly hadn't seen, among other things. He said that Hostel was an example of "as violent a film as you could think of," and at first, I was like, you need to see more movies. Then, he seemed to think that Hostel had a limited release (?), and made no social statements. Later, he told us that we'd need to read legitimate critics and not the "Live At Channel Five" kind of stuff or people like Ebert. Um, excuse you. But the biggest crime...we spent the last half of the class watching Gomorrah, which I'd been wanting to see, but hadn't gotten around to yet. It came out last year, but its release, unlike Hostel's, actually was limited. We didn't finish the movie by the time class was almost over, SO HE TOLD US HOW IT ENDED.

My pearls shattered from the force of my clutching them.

[I dropped the film class for Psychology and Law, which seems interesting so far, although I involuntarily make a face every time the teacher refers to his libertarianism. I also have that problem in Early Republic when the teacher refers to Alexander Hamilton. In P&L, we have to use this thingy called an iclicker. It's like a remote and we use it to take pop quizzes and answer impromptu polls, much like the electronic trivia games they have in certain restaurants. It's kind of fun.]
b) Had to stay at work TEN HOURS to fix malware-related issues [I came back to work from the weekend to find it had messed up agaiRAGE STROKE].
c) Car wouldn't start [because I was like, "Heh, I'ma go crank up my car since I'm about to leave"...two hours later, I finally got to leave].
d) I know some other stuff went down, but I've apparently already blocked it out. Oh, I bought a new workout shirt and it gave me a rash.

The weekend was great:

a) Since the week was rough, I planned a soft weekend: nothing but watching movies and maybe reading and working on this cross-stitching project I've been thinking about for a while. The second season of Being Human just started too, so that was nice. I think I may recap it for Boob Tube.
b) I watched World's Greatest Dad, The Hurt Locker, and Up in the Air. I liked all three.
c) It kind of makes me laugh that people are apparently renting World's Greatest Dad and just expecting it to be a heart-warming Robin Williams family film. They are apparently missing the fact that it was written and directed by Bobcat Goldthwait. And that it's about [minor spoiler] a high school* poetry teacher whose obnoxious teenage son accidentally dies in an autoerotic asphyxiation accident.
d) The Hurt Locker, although outstanding, was perhaps not the best movie to watch in my sensitive state. Why I decided to follow that with Up in the Air, during which I sobbed like a little girl at the firing sequences, is beyond me.
e) I went out for dinner with my mom and I've been daydreaming about the baked crab ever since. So yummy.

Things that make me want to punch myself in my nonexistent balls:

a) Owl City, esp in that one song where he's like "I keep them in a jar." I believe it's called "Firefly Snuff Film."
b) The Tonight Show shenanigans
c) This weekend's episode of SNL
d) About this Avatar win: Now, I wasn't that upset about it winning...at first. I did think that The Hurt Locker deserved it more, but I dunno. I was feeling pretty mellow, I guess. I was probably still half-asleep. I was only slightly annoyed when James Cameron spoke Na'vi because of course, he's going to speak Na'vi. But when he wanted everyone in the room to give themselves a round of applause for having such great jobs, oh golly gee?

Things about the Golden Globes that did not send me into rage comas:

a) Hey, Christoph Waltz: Are you an ass scientist, because your ass--blah blah blah, you get the point.
b) When The White Ribbon won, I "Woo!"ed embarrassingly loudly.

...also, after the Golden Globes, I watched Aziz Ansari's standup special, which I'd DVR-ed and laughed so hard it made me dizzy.

*Said high school's mascot is, of course, the Fighting Pugs...Tanis.
**The answer was Donnie Brasco.
In the middle of a whatever-happened-to-that-one-guy chat inspired by Tanis's viewing of Can't Hardly Wait, I realized that Ethan Embry had been on an episode of Fear Itself, around the same time I saw that my That One Guy, Sean Patrick Thomas, has been on Lie to Me (which I somehow have not noticed, despite the fact that I watch it regularly).

Tanis: I watched my first episode of that the other day.
Salomé: It was filmed in Alberta
Tanis: No, really!?
Tanis: I had no idea it was filmed in AB.
Salomé: Okay, you watched it
Tanis: yes.
Salomé: (In my mind, you are watching in a hockey jersey while eating poutine)
Tanis: And I enjoyed Tim Roth's accent very much.
Salomé: Oh, are we talking about Lie to Me?
Tanis: Yes.
Salomé: Oh, okay
Salomé: Now I will revise my image of you watching it
Tanis: Fear Itself was the thing that was filmed in AB?
Salomé: There's an American flag behind you, rippling in the breeze
Meg at 2Birds1Blog has not been thrilled with Meghan McCain since the latter was rude about DC. Things didn't improve when the Blogette blocked the Bird on Twitter.

I've mostly been Switzerland in this, but how do you think I feel about the fact that McCain thinks her age excuses her from knowing about things that happened before she was born?

Hint: It's not favorable.

Meghan, Meghan, Meghan. Regularly, when I tell people that I'm studying history, I hear the same thing, "Ugh, I hate history." While this annoys me ("Oh, yeah? Well, I hate the thing you care about!"), I can understand why people feel that way. A lot of times, history education misses the mark. Too much emphasis is put on rote memorization of dates and names and not enough emphasis on the fact that history is just a story--the ever-changing story of us and our world. The dates and names are important, but they're abstract concepts to describe the real people and the real actions they undertook. But maybe she's right. Maybe we don't need to know about things that happened before we were born. Maybe we don't need to know about the group of men who risked their lives to form a new kind of government. Maybe we don't need to know what happened in France when they tried. Maybe we don't need to know about Gettysburg or Hoovervilles or Midway or you know, maybe we don't need to know about this:

If you're going to present yourself as the new face of anything in politics, you need to cut the shit--yes, even the shit you're getting for appearing on lib'rul programs--and get yourself educated. You don't even have to do the hard research! Knowing about Reagan's time in office should not be the advanced knowledge! It really wasn't that long ago!

Look, you have some good ideas (like everything re: Ann Coulter), but no one is going to take you seriously if you tee-hee about how ignorant you are. As one youtube commenter said, "You waived that defense when you decided you were knowledgeable enough to step in the ring with the big dogs." And just look across the table--there's Katty Kay, who somehow manages to be a beautiful [blonde] woman and to know what she's talking about. I know, it's a struggle.

In other news, how hard do I love Paul Begala, that "mean man"? So hard.
1. Did I ever tell you how I got into massage? It is a very heartwarming story. A friend of mine was thinking about going to school for it and I read her brochure and thought, Well, there's an idea. The end. I've never really felt a calling toward any particular field. I mostly want to dance and hang out. I love American history and the idea of teaching it, but the realities of the American educational system are hard to ignore. I'm not saying that I have eschewed the idea entirely, but just that every time I tell people I'm majoring in history, emphasis American, and they say, "Oh, you're going to teach?"--I'm full. No more for me, thanks--I'm full. However, I think I've found the career that combines many of the things I enjoy, such as putting things right that once went wrong (they're not hiring at the Quantum Leap project, unforch) and raging patriotism (I took the inner nationality quiz on Facebook and I'm secretly an American*). And that is, the Bureau.

Me: I'm going to apply to the Bureau.
My mom: What bureau?
Me: The politburo--I'm going into Russian politics in my time machine.

Or not. I think I'm going to apply to be a G-Lady. I say "think" because I still have to finish school and who knows what number of ideas I'll have by then ("This is too hard. Let's quit and be firemen instead"). As I said, the job--I'll be applying to become a Special Agent--appeals to me on a number of levels, like its insistence on "rigorous obedience to the Constitution" and the chance to use my most unique skill set--the fact that because I'm small and giggly, many people underestimate me. They don't realize how juicy my mind grapes are, such as. Osama bin Laden, I'ma get my mind juice on you! (I am considering entering as a language specialist, specifically Arabic. So if anyone asks, don't tell them about that time at Bible camp.)

2. I've watched some movies lately. I watched S. Darko and...hmm. Maybe if there were no predecessor, I would have liked it better, but as there was a Donnie Darko, it's hard to judge S. Darko on its own merits. The fact that DD creator Richard Kelly had nothing to do with the movie is problematic to say the least. Further, as it's impossible to take in the movie without thinking about the first movie's mythology, the more you think about S. Darko, the less sense it makes. And the ending was just nonsense. Upside: I really liked Daveigh Chase's wardrobe! Sidenote: Is it true that her name is pronounced more like "duvet" ("Duh-Vay" as her wiki entry says) and not like Davey? I don't know how to feel about that.

I also watched the Norwegian horror about Nazi zombies, Død snø. [Below: I don't like this vacation anymore.]

Død snø, which focuses on a group of students on holiday at a ski cabin who inadvertently wake up some nasty spirits, was much better. It's funny, scary, and gross (there's a scene involving something utilized as a rope that I'll bet people will be talking about). It was interesting to me how it was obviously influenced by American movies--as seen in the trailer, one character even quotes, in English, Indiana Jones's "Fortune and glory, kid"--but the way the characters react to certain situations is different, I think, from how they'd react in an American movie. One example: When the random old dude shows up to lecture them on how they're spoiled brats who didn't bother to notice that the territory they're in was a Nazi supply stop, one of the characters can't help but get sarcastic about the possibility of waking up the Nazis who were trapped in an avalanche during their occupation. Random old dude grabs the kid and the rest of his friends suddenly become very interested in their shoes. In an American movie, somebody would have called the old dude an asshole, at least.

That's not to say that the characters are pushovers. It's noteworthy that this is a movie about Norwegians facing off with Nazis--La Résistance gets most of the ink, but Norway had a healthy resistance movement as well. In fact, when they first got their "On the occasion of your being occupied" note from the Third Reich, Norway's response was basically, "Fuck your face." [History pedant: *monocle adjustment* Actually, it was "We will not submit voluntarily; the struggle is already under way."] The progeny of the Norwegian resistance puts up a worthy fight as well. The character Vegard is a notable standout at this--watching him go full survivorman is awesome.

As an aside, imdb lists the following as a goof: One of the zombies...is wearing a white (snow) camouflage jacket. The jacket shows plastic parts (or is completely made out of plastic) which can only be found at modern day jackets. Maybe the zombie took it away from a earlier victim but as all the others wear "original" war gear this is supposed to be a WWII Jacket - and is way too modern. I know that logic is pretty rock-solid, but I don't agree that the jacket is a goof. The jacket doesn't just look a little bit modern--it is totally modern. I was wondering why homes was wearing a hazmat suit when he first walked into frame. He obviously stole that from a victim or the movie's wardrobe department thinks we're morons.

2b. I also watched Fox's Glee and loved it.

3. As I mentioned a few days ago, I went to see Man Man and it was awesome. I'm having trouble finding the right way to describe it (mind grapes are dry), but watching them felt inspirational. When Honus Honus climbed up on something (I couldn't see exactly) and pulled on a lady's beaded top midsong, it was a beautiful thing. I felt like I could go anywhere and do anything. I wanted to go home and paint and write and do. I wanted to go create. I've never felt anything like that when seeing a band before. I've got to see them again.

4. And one last time, thanks again to everyone for their condolences regarding my grandmother. I really am doing okay, but thanks to everyone who just had to make sure.

5. Finally, before I go watch Martyrs so I can feel ways about things with Jess, here is a collection of random things I've been looking at:

MTV's new show Fashion Strip--am I the first to make a "They Shoot Horses, Don't They?" joke?

Awkward Family Photos: Oh, man.

It's Lovely! I'll Take It!: Like Cakewrecks, but with real estate listings.

2 Birds, 1 Blog: Few people have the ability to make me laugh like Meg. I tried to read this entry to my mom and sister and couldn't get through it without laughing until I cried.

*“You are highly competitive and highly independent, although you also have an easygoing and spontaneous nature. In order to hide and mitigate just how badly you want to win, you have developed a thick veneer of friendliness — in order to lull your opponents into a false sense of security, yes, but also in order to actually tame your own natural blood lust, and most of the time it even works. Because you are so mobile and ever-changing, your friendships are always in flux, and the people who are your oldest friends may or may not accompany you all the way through life. Probably not.”
The other day, one of my instructors asked us where the first (WWII-era) concentration camp was. [Man, do I know how to open a post on a high note or what?] No one answered, so he gave us a hint by saying it was near Munich. Like it was Pavlovian, I immediately said, "Dachau." I didn't even know that I knew that. Then I realized how I knew that:

Mr. Schmidt, recently arrived in a small Bavarian village which lies eight miles northwest of Munich...

And unfortunately, I realized that right as I was taking a sip of Dr. Wham--yes, it's a real thing--and almost asphyxiated because of course I would get my random history trivia from the glass teat.

We've been talking about WWII a lot the last week and we probably will be talking about it a lot this week, so I look forward to the opportunity to frighten people with my knowledge of terrible stuff (see also: talking about serial killers in psych classes). It's all the same curiosity, though--I just keep hoping that at some point, it'll all click and I'll understand how people become monsters. And yeah, I had to laugh when I realized where I'd first learned to draw a link between Nazis and other monsters (see the part from about :18 to :58).

For those of you who can't see youtube:

Scary German Guy: *shows kids his reflection to show that he couldn't be a monster*
His name is Horace!: Man, you sure know a lot about monsters.
Scary German Guy: Now that you mention it, I suppose I do. *closes door as camera focuses on his forearm*

And they say popculture rots your brains. On that note, The Different Kinds of People That There Are. I particularly enjoyed People Who Don't Watch TV: "Are we really still having this conversation? Television is a part of the cultural landscape at this point—a lot of it is good. A lot of it is bad, some of which is also good. You know, LIKE ALL THINGS MADE BY HUMANS?" I'm sayin'.

And for those of you who have no idea what that movie is, see here for the glory you've been missing. Now get out there and rock until you drop! Dance until your heart stops! Rock until you drop! Dance until your feet fall off!

(Seriously--you haven't seen it? Really? Man. "Look, what your brother is so delicately attempting to inquire is the degree to which you may have or have not, at some point in time... been dorked." That. You missed that.)
Now you know.

Now I wish I could stay home and watch Just One of The Guys, but I have to go take a polysci exam. Booooo.

  • I was browsing the iTunes store last night (looking for female-sung alternapop; ended up having a nostalgia breakdown and stocking up on my old riot grrrl favorites) and I checked out the celebrity playlists. They've got the cast of Watchmen. Malin Akerman was first and one of her choices is "Dreamworld" by Rilo Kiley. Says Akerman, "Rilo is such a great artist. All of her songs are my favorite..."

    I, uh...yeah. Besides the obvious, I'm pretty sure that's Blake singing lead.

    [As far as I can tell, Zach Snyder is the only one who chooses a version of "Hallelujah." The version, by Allison Crowe, is okay.]

  • Can I just add the site to my cart?

  • Okay, I know Carol Burnett was the big draw for tonight's SVU episode but whooooa, Matthew Lillard looks crazy! You know who he looks like? Remember that episode of Full House where DJ goes on the date with the mustachioed dude who looks crazy old and thus, totally inappropriate for DJ? Yeah, he looks like that guy. That's your boyfriend, by the way.

    Roger! That was his name. That guy went on to play Hannah's dad on Veronica Mars.

  • I saw Last House on the Left Saturday. 12 people walked out, which I gleefully twittered. As for my thoughts, I agree with this paragraph from the Pajiba review: It’s frustrating because one can see throughout the film moments of where it could have been so much better. There are two families here, one of love and one of violence, but families with loyalty nonetheless. There is the potential for a beautiful intertwining of two stories: a boy rejecting the monstrosity of his father, a father becoming a monster on behalf of his daughter. It seems at quiet moments to realize its potential as a meditation on violence, but jettisons that too often for the cheesy violence of bad horror. It does not seem to realize that its most horrific moments are not filled with blood, but with Garret Dillahunt’s smile.

  • Speaking of movies, I just read that James Franco is playing Allen Ginsberg and this movie will also feature Mary-Louise Parker and Paul Rudd. I believe it will be called America, this movie is awesome.

  • I used to listen this reading of "America" by the man himself (and Tom Waits, the most patient man in rock) all the time. [Video may be NSFW.] Hearing him read it illuminated the poem. This part always breaks my heart:

    Are you going to let your emotional life be run by Time Magazine?
    I'm obsessed by Time Magazine.
    I read it every week.
    Its cover stares at me every time I slink past the corner candystore.
    I read it in the basement of the Berkeley Public Library.
    It's always telling me about responsibility. Businessmen are serious. Movie
    producers are serious. Everybody's serious but me.
    It occurs to me that I am America.
    I am talking to myself again.

  • But back to Paul Rudd for a sec, did you know that he and Jon Hamm were college friends? Oh, yeah. It's true. "He's adorable. There's no two ways about it," says Hamm.

  • I've been making amazing strides with my screenplay. I didn't so much neglect it as I did have a momentary crisis of confidence. Now though, I've regained motivation and momentum and that's helped me regain my confidence in it and my ability to write it. Part of what has helped has been Twitter of all things. When I've got daily meditations on art via David Lynch and that man named Ludacris (woo!), among others, that helps keep me focused. In addition, I've been doing creative writing exercises with a friend of mine who is also working on his own artistic endeavor, and I've found that doing so keeps my brain in the right frame of mind to create. I think I've come up with a title. I was able to give the pitch clearly and concisely, as opposed to the novella-length uh-studded mess it has been. Finally, being on spring break and having time to rest and to reflect has also helped.

  • And now that I've made the post-Vicodin Herculean effort to write that, I must go nap and catch up on my Tivo (I set a recording for "Sex and the Civil War"? Really?) and exchange coded Tweets and birthday party cheesecake jellybean boom before I descend into total incoherence. You know...stuuuuuff.

  • I've been exceedingly tardy in wishing happy birthdays. So very belated good wishes to [livejournal.com profile] melissa_maples and [livejournal.com profile] ladycakes.

  • If you would like to visualize me using my new spam musubi press, make sure your mental jukebox cues up "You Make My Dreams" by Hall and/or Oates first. Otherwise, you won't get the full effect.

  • Speaking of that song, I cannot wait until the soundtrack for 500 Days of Summer comes out. I do not care about the Stereogum comments about how it's "trying too hard to be indie" or how it's targeted to a certain demographic (and on the latter, hi--welcome to the world)--sometimes I just want to enjoy things.

  • Like Thou Shalt Always Kill, which contains two of my personal truths, Thou shalt not question Stephen Fry and Some people are just nice. And also, Thou shalt not put musicians and recording artists on ridiculous pedestals.

  • I am in the middle of watching Supernatural season 2 and it is quite excellent. The ending of the HH Holmes episode (the ending of the job, not the actual episode) was delicious justice. Casting Linda Blair (I just finished watching "The Usual Suspects") is also cool. I wish they could have figured out more to do with Alona Tal, though--I love her scenes with Jensen. [See here for his "REO Speedwagon?!"* face.]

  • I think I'm going to do something really wild for spring break, like hole up somewhere and write. However, I'm not sure I'll be able to get away actually, so I may pull an Al Bundy and just set up a fence around my chair.

  • Getting ready to start my Victory Garden. I think I've found the missing ingredient. It's what plants crave.

  • Stephon Marbury Embroils Celtics' Big 3 In Elaborate Shakespearean Intrigue: "Stephon told me that the other two guys hated me because I was the most talented," said Pierce, who said speaking with Marbury was beginning to make him feel uncomfortable. "He said I should beware jealousy because it was 'the green-ey'd monster which doth mock / The meat it feeds on.' But I was like, 'Stephon, first of all, Kevin is a way better player than I am.'

  • Dolphin and tiger share a moment. I love that other dolphin. "I have a ring! A ring! I have a ring! A ri--aw, screw you guys."

  • More fashion show love courtesy of Michelle Collins.

  • I was trying to find more (I am a nerd) Jefferson tees (I am a nerd) and was weirded out by the merchandise attempting to co-opt him as a neocon hero, not to mention the generally uggo designs. The best design I've seen on Zazzle so far is by someone who also sells an "Change Is Also What Germany Was Looking For in 1932" bumper sticker, which...oh, good Lord. I thought I told you to wait in the truck. And is this what font I think it is? Ugh. Oh and by the way.

    So thank you, Dutch Southern for this, which makes it all better. (Most of their shirts are pretty sweet, by the way--the Tarantino Babies are adorable.)

    I need to stop getting myself riled up before I spend all afternoon designing my own shirts. Again.

  • I have eaten the plums that were in the icebox and which you were probably saving for breakfast. Forgive me--they were delicious, so sweet and so cold.

*Jo: What?
Dean: REO Speedwagon?!
Jo: Damn right, REO. Kevin Cronin sings it from the heart.
Dean: He sings it from the hair--there's a difference.
Americanos, better know your new administration, photographed by Annie Liebovitz. (EDIT: And here's the Times version.)

EDIT 2: I almost forgot, I heard something today about how Artur Davis (in the Times gallery and also the only Alabama representative to vote yes on the Lilly act) will announce his interest in running for governor Friday. Sweeeet, lemme get my checkbook.

Let Us Now Set Aside Childish Things: George Packer hears the President America deserves. He says that we always get the one we deserve, too. That's a disquieting thought no matter where your politics stand, but it puts me in mind of Randy Newman's "A Few Words In Defense Of Our Country":

Now we don’t want your love
And respect at this point is pretty much out of the question
But in times like these
We sure could use a friend

Or maybe I've just had too many bombs.

I have to talk about politics right now, because otherwise I'd have to talk about the bowline I've made of my romantic life. And I don't wanna. Oh, I could talk about movies. I started watching Blindness but something told me to stop. I just got the feeling that I didn't want to see how it played out. Ebert called it "unendurable" and I spoilered myself, so I know I made the right decision. Instead, I watched Miracle At St. Anna, which could have used a lot of editing but overall, was heartbreaking and lovely. Whatever, I am tender.

Now I'm going to read too little into Twitter updates. Oh, did you see the Simpsonized Wire?
Aw, poor Justice Roberts: "It's your big day. You have one simple job; read from a card, LISTEN, and await the reply. Oh, and the whole World is watching. Still, you're a big-shot Chief Justice, right? You can handle it, right? You've watched the tapes, right? You've practised at home, right? So, Chief Justice Roberts, why did you make such a pigs ear of it!!? Historic moment, or historic nightmare?"

For the record, I think it was likely a spasm of nervousness. I don't think it was intentional at all. Yes, this is the first time a President has been sworn in by a justice he opposed. But the theories about Roberts's doing it as revenge for the fact that then-Senator Obama opposed him are laughable at best. They can be cool.

Also hilarious are the tinhats wondering if Mr. Obama is really the President. O hai I have these amendments--let's look!

Amendment XX, section 1: The terms of the President and the Vice President shall end at noon on the 20th day of January...and the terms of their successors shall then begin.

Alright, so that aside, here we are. The morning after. Here's a picture of my soul:

To quote the song I posted on election night, you know it feels good to be alive.

And on a related note, I was watching some of the evening's entertainment and I gotta say, I wholeheartedly agree with Diablo Cody re: one Mr. West:

“I think it's cool that Kanye West gets so excitable on his blog. I love the Louis Vuitton Don, and if he's up his own ass, I wanna be up there with him.”

I unabashedly, kneejerk-defensively love the shit out of him. My sister mocks me for the amount of his music I've got on my iPod. When he says something ridiculous, I chuckle and think, "Oh, 'Ye--you blowhard!" It was very cool to see how happy he was tonight--I'm sure being a Chicago boy added an extra layer of joy to the proceedings. But one last thing.

Yeezy, what the fuck is the matter with your head? You cannot just time travel us back to 1989--I won't allow it! [I will not even mention the fit of your trousers.]

Now I gotta go write for The Boob about how BT-beloved Aziz Ansari and The Best Show Of All Time should be meeting--Aziz has already crossed over with Salomé-beloved 'Ye--aaand watch a preview of Kings (YES FINALLY).

I got no troubles (except for Yeezy's headal region), life is the bubbles. Oh and then on top of everything, I found out that Franklin Sherman, aka Jon Lovitz cartoon The Critic's dad, aka one of my favorite characters ever, was voiced by Gerrit! Now I'm thinking of that night in NYC when [livejournal.com profile] monooka almost killed him! [Youtube, why does a search for Franklin Sherman bring up "The Declaration of Independence by Thomas Jefferson"? Oh, you know me too well.]
wolfpangs: (made a swiveling chair--now I nap)
After I posted that story about Jefferson wanting to burn the city of London in my last post, I realized that it reminded me of this exchange. That's the scene, by the way, where Adams realizes who should write the declaration of the colonies' independence. Jefferson was...not a fan of public speaking to say the least--his public speaking voice was described as "nearly inaudible." But he was a writer nonpareil...and oh man, did he dislike the British.

The rest of the clip (a collection of Jefferson scenes from the miniseries) is worth watching. I've never seen a portrayal that I've enjoyed as much as Dillane's. What else am I enjoying? The pile-on going on in the media re: the end of (this Presidential term's) days. Here is a clip of CNN's Rick Sanchez responding to Joe the Blunder's statement that the media should be "abolished" (!!!) in war:

Schadenfreudelicious. Now I'm going to get back to my very important, serious activities (watching my Tivo list and eating lemon cookies*).

*Mission accomplished.
Links that have made me laugh recently:

Two Straight Boys Explore the Intricacies of Grind Dancing Together: "This is soooo appropriate right now."

And now... every "Extreme horror" story ever written: Begin to scream.

I love Josh Brolin: "Josh Brahlin," he drawled when he took the podium at the National Board of Review awards ceremony, mimicking host Whoopi Goldberg's mispronunciation of his name. "That's how fucking famous I am... I just whispered in her ear, I said, 'What the fuck is the matter with you?' And she goes, 'I don't know. I'm high.'"

Fuck Yeah Ryan Gosling: I think I'm giving you the biggest hug ever.

Fuck You Penguin: I know I've posted this site before, but the funny has dramatically increased in the wake of FUP losing a Weblog Award. A personal favorite at the moment. Relevant to my interests: baby pandas.

7 Badass Animals Presidents Have Kept As Pets: The Brent Spiner lookalike was able to acquire a couple of grizzly bear cubs which he promptly sent to President Jefferson as either a gift or an assassination attempt.

Speaking of the love of my historical life, I've been reading my Christmas presents and I learned something interesting already. I knew that after the British burned down the Library of Congress, Jefferson sold his entire personal library to the federal government below cost to start the restocking (almost 6500 books). What I didn't know is that he was so offended by the destruction that he suggested hiring goons to burn down a few British buildings in retaliation. Wait, did I say "a few"? "Our present enemy will have the sea to herself, while we shall be equally predominant at land, and shall strip her of all her possessions on this continent. She may burn New York, indeed, by her ships and congreve rockets, in which case we must burn the city of London by hired incendiaries, of which her starving manufacturers will furnish abundance." Whoa. He let his rage go, though, out of loyalty to James Madison. And this has been Salomé is a giant history nerd.

Other links I have enjoyed:

HRC on the subject of female empowerment: "If half the world's population remains vulnerable to economic, political, legal and social marginalization, our hope of advancing democracy and prosperity is in serious jeopardy. The United States must be an unequivocal and unwavering voice in support of women's rights in every country, on every continent." I had to smoke a cigarette after watching that.

Speaking of politics, Mr. Stewart has been on point lately. "You didn't need to--you sold ours." Hang on, I need another cigarette. Anyway, like I told Tanis, I really want some lemon cookies right now it feels very Frost/Nixon: "I'd like to give Richard Nixon the trial he never had." Oh, if only. However, I was reminded earlier that we are now in the last 100 hours of GWB, so praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. By the way, don't miss the collection of Jon's impressions of Bush.

PEBO had dinner with George Will, Charles Krauthammer, Bill Kristol AND David Brooks?! Oh, good Lord.

ETA: Chocolate in my peanut butter, pandas in my politics: DC Pandas Celebrate Inauguration With Early Orgy.
wolfpangs: (made a swiveling chair--now I nap)
David Rees started writing "Get Your War On," his politically-related comic strip after September 11th. He vowed to stop producing it if Bush lost the 2004 election. That, of course, didn't happen. It started appearing in Rolling Stone in 2003 and each strip was a fresh bit of "I know, right?!" that kept my liberal heart warm. It may or may not have influenced me to add a special note to my living will.

Now with the results of the election, Rees is ending the strip. Here is the last one. Please enjoy the fine quality of that scan from an issue of Rolling Stone that I accidentally dropped in the bathtub. I'm a curator.

What will Rees do now? "I'm thinking about joining the professional shoe-thrower's circuit. I'm a size 11," he tells Rolling Stone. Speaking of dissent, don't miss Shepard Smith's hilarious mocking of the live feed of embattled Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich's press conference:

wolfpangs: (privacy)
About a month or two ago, I happened to catch a rerun of Eugene Mirman's standup on Comedy Central. I'd heard of him before but I'd never heard any of his act. I ended up really enjoying all of it, but this bit, about a message he got on Myspace from a band, is what made me fall in love with him.

1) There are many great pieces out there about the election and its aftermath, but my favorite may be Kobe Bryant Scores 25 In Holy Shit We Elected A Black President.

My second favorite being Wil Wheaton's "...or else we didn't win anything at all": “I guess we’re supposed to be gracious in victory,” I said, “but I’m profoundly offended to hear ‘we need to look forward and not backward’ and ‘we need to stop being so partisan’ from the very same fucking motherfuckers who have been telling us that we hate our country and love terrorists for the last eight years? These are the same people who worked really hard to make sure that I and everyone who didn’t agree with their blind support of Bush and Bush policies didn’t feel welcome in our own fucking country for eight years!”

I looked down at my hands, which had involuntarily clenched into fists. I felt a frightening and unexpected, uncharacteristic fury rise in my chest.

“I want to grab these people by the throat and scream at them ‘HOW DO YOU LIKE IT FUCKER?! YOU LOST! YOU FAIL! YOU GO HOME NOW!’”

2) Speaking of Wil, this might be my favorite Tweet ever-- True story: Keith Coogan and I went to a Dead Milkmen show when we shot Toy Soldiers in Charlottesville, Virginia. King Missile opened.

3) MST3K is TWENTY YEARS OLD how did this happen.

And where is Keith Coogan? Breaking: Don't Tell Mom... is not on instant Netflix, but Toy Soldiers is. This movie is so deliciously 80s.

4) After my last Secret Senator Crush went rogue and then totally fucking insane, I had to pick a replacement. I pulled out a longtime favorite who, bonus--is already totally fucking insane. Senator and soon-to-be Chief of Staff Emanuel, I love you Rahm time. See also: Rahm Facts for a let-me-count-the-ways of his majesty. Yes, they include my favorite Rahm fact: the steak knife story.

Now that we're reminiscing about the Clinton White House, I have to say that Erskine Bowles is a great name.

5) Simultaneous thoughts my sister and I had at Wal-Mart Tuesday:

My sister: That looks like Salome's head.
Me: Why is that angry girl with the baby staring at me?


I will write about my NY adventures later. I have to prepare a powerpoint on compost heaps and be glad that this semester is almost over. I really hope I pass this math class and then never take algebra again ever.
1) Oakley Frogskins: I am hesitant about rewearing any trends I wore the first time, but thanks to a special friend who gifted me with a pair in Wildberry n' Milk, I am now the coolest kid in elementary school. It's a simple style, similar to Wayfarers but Frogskins come in way more varieties--about a million colorways by my estimation. (I am not good at estimating.) You can get them in basic/classic colors like black, brown, or tortoiseshell or you can go for the pattern-of-the-moment. I love the Colette x Oakley:

2) When I am not wearing those, I'm sporting my grandfather's vintage Persols, thus completing my transition into being an old man.

3) I love Lil Wayne's voice so much that my notebooks read "Mr. and Mrs. Lil Wayne's voice." It doesn't matter what he may be talking about--imploring the world to fellate him in the manner one would consume hard candy on a stick, genocide, hating puppies--I just love it. I believe Rolling Stone described it best: "a needling, grizzled croak that's one of the most distinctive sounds in pop music." His bit on T-Pain's "Can't Believe It" is like pure, crystallized joy to me.

4) Speaking of my love for music to drop one's underpants to, the work done by the mad geniuses who reprogram the Rockafire Explosion band to do modern music fills me with glee. Yeah, I know two children's pizza establishments entered and Chuck E. Cheese was the one left standing, but Showbiz was always my favorite. I may be remembering with the mythic gloss that only childhood memories have, but the one in Montgomery (Alabama) was AWESOME. See most of the videos here.

5) True Blood makes me so happy. A show about a young southern woman living in her grandmother's house in a small southern town? I can't imagine why that would speak to me. Oh and she's sweet on a brooding older man with an eventful past? Yeah, doesn't ring a bell.
wolfpangs: (the hunt)
Oh, that's cool:
  • The new Google phone: I was looking around at new smartphones and my iphone dreams died when I got a look at AT&T's coverage map. Nothing at Verizon really did it for me, so I headed over to my current carrier, Tmo and saw the link for the G1. I'll let you guess at what moment I was sold. I will do some more wait and see with reviews until I actually give them money, though.

  • What's the only thing that would make sweet tea better? Oh, child.

  • Drunk history (that's vol. 1). Funny and still more coherent than my assbad world history class.

  • Excavation at the WTC site reveals Ice Age bedrock. They're a page right out of history...

  • I made cup pies finally (they were becoming my culinary Satchel Paige musical) and they were everything I dreamed they could be.

Ugh, that is not cool:

  • My assbad world history class.

  • The Emmys. (See also: watching the Emmys, having to write about the Emmys, the Emmys cutting off Kirk Ellis in mid-acceptance speech, the hosts for the Emmys, and my personal nadir, the fact that--light of my life, fire of my loins--Stephen Dillane was ROBBED!!!1!.)

  • “I have a commitment not to kiss any other woman,” Kirk Cameron told Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford Monday on TODAY in New York. "Even in acting, you're still doing it." To get around the conflict, the filmmakers employed a bit of movie magic, Cameron explained. They dressed his wife, actress Chelsea Noble, like the movie’s female lead and shot the scene in silhouette.

  • I still have staples in my leg. :(



October 2012



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